I cross my arms and shake my head. “I’ve never really known how to do it.”
“I mean, there’s not much to it. You just use your hands and do what feels good.”
I stare at him.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I just…I’m sure it’s different for women. I mean, I know it’s different.”
I cover my hands over my face and groan. “I’m such a freak.”
“Ellie, you’re not a freak.”
“I am.” I throw up my hands. “I’ve never had sex. I’ve never masturbated.”
“How come you’ve never tried touching yourself?” Camden asks, his tone gentle.
“I’ve tried a few times. I just feel so awkward. I’m lying there in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to turn myself on, but it feels so…unnatural.”
The corner of his mouth hooks up in a gentle half-smile. “You’re not supposed to lie there and look at the ceiling. You’re supposed to think of something sexy. Or watch something hot, like porn. Or read something smutty. Have you tried those things?”
I shake my head, feeling even more foolish. Why didn’t I think of that?
“You never talked about this with your friends? They never told you to do those things?” Camden asks.
“I’ve never had close friendships where I felt comfortable telling them something so personal.” I hesitate for a second. “I spent most of my life sick at home or in hospitals. Or working topay off my debt. I didn’t have all that much time to make close friends.”
Camden nods like he understands.
“And now I feel so behind everyone else.” I close my eyes and shake my head. “Actually, I feel like I’m going backwards. I’m married, but I’ve never even had sex.” I gnaw at my bottom lip, feeling anxious. I look at Camden. “When I get married for real someday, I don’t want to be a virgin. I don’t want to struggle to feel comfortable with myself sexually in the bedroom with my husband. I want to be totally confident with him. I just wish I could figure out a way to…”
I look at Camden, who’s gazing at me intently.
An idea pops into my head. A wild, off-the-wall, totally insane idea.
But it’s also perfect.
I stare at Camden, working up the last of my nerve to say this to him.
“Maybe you could teach me.”
He blinks at me. “Teach you what?”
I swallow hard. “How to do all those things in the bedroom that I’m too scared to learn on my own.”
His brow hits his hairline, and his eyes go wide. “Wait, are you serious?”
I nod. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, like he’s certain he heard me wrong.
He pins me with a wild gaze. “You want me to teach you how to masturbate and have sex?”
“Yes.”
He lets out a shaky breath and laughs like he’s in disbelief. “Ellie, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
He laughs again. “Seriously?”
I just look at him.
