I rub the back of my neck and let out a heavy breath. “Yeah. Anything to keep me busy and away from the chaos at home.”
“How are things now with your parents? Do they see each other much?”
I shake my head. “They try not to be around each other unless they have to. Almost every time they see each other, it ends up in a fight,” I say. “The last time they had to be around each other was during the championship game of the Stanley Cup. They managed to take a photo with me and the trophy and not kill each other. They’ve come a long way from when they would scream at each other while watching me play in college. The refs would throw them out so many times, they got banned from my games for a while. It was so embarrassing.”
Ellie’s expression turns pained. “Oh my god. That’s awful.”
I shrug. “It is what it is.”
Ellie grabs my hand. The comfort I feel is instant. Her touch is so warm, so calming.
“Look, I’m glad that your parents were able to behave when you won the Stanley Cup, but it’s still messed up how often they let their relationship bleed into the things going on in your life,” she says. “They should have put aside their feelings for each other and just supported you. You’re their kid. Your comfort and well-being should have been their priority, no matter what.”
I’m quiet as I think about what she said.
“I never really thought about it like that,” I finally say. “It always felt like I was the reason for their fighting.”
She shakes her head. “You’re not. None of this is your fault, Camden.”
That warmth coursing through me deepens at the way she comforts me.
“Thanks for saying that.”
She squeezes my hand and smiles softly. “Of course.”
“And now you know why I wasn’t interested in ever being married. For love, that is,” I say. “Because I grew up watching my parents’ marriage fall apart in the worst way.”
Sadness flashes in her big blue eyes as she looks at me.
I let out a sad chuckle. “Pretty cliche, right? I’m a child of divorce who never wants to get married.”
She shakes her head. “I understand why though. Why would you want to get married when your only example of it was a trainwreck?”
“I just…” I work up the nerve to say something I’ve never said out loud. “I’m scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of getting my heart broken by the person I love most in the world. I can’t think of anything worse.” I exhale sharply. “That’s why I don’t do relationships. That’s why I’ll never marry for real. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it when things end. It would destroy me.”
I take a breath, feeling lighter after saying all that. “I’ve never admitted that to anyone before,” I say, looking at our joined hands.
“It means a lot, you telling me,” she says softly.
“I feel like I can tell you anything.”
The look in her eyes is soft. “Yeah?”
I nod. “You’re really easy to talk to. I can be honest with you, and you won’t think I’m a jerk.”
Her expression is warm as she looks at me. “Never.”
She rests her head on my shoulder, and that warm feeling inside of me spreads. Even after what happened last night, when I made her uncomfortable, here she is, holding my hand, comforting me.
“Camden?”
“Yeah?
“About last night. I should explain why I shut down the way I did.”
That knot from earlier springs up in the pit of my stomach again.
“You don’t need to explain anything, Ellie. I’m the one who caused you to feel that way. I made you uncomfortable. And I’m so, so sorry for that.”’
