I press my eyes shut, that hot, intense feeling inside of me building more and more.
It feels so good and so overwhelming, that my brain is fuzzy. I can’t form a single coherent thought. All I know is that Camden is an insanely good kisser.
I try to steady myself by straightening my legs, but I lose my balance and fall backwards. I land sitting on the bed. I gaze up at Camden, embarrassed. But he just smiles.
He reaches down and swipes my hair out of my face. “You’re fucking adorable.”
He leans down, cups my cheek in his hand, and gives me another long, slow, teasing kiss.
I pull him down onto the bed so we can make out some more. Our hands are all over each other. I grab at the hard muscles in his arms and chest and abs. His hand slides up my shirt, his warm palm skimming my stomach.
“Hang on, let me get a condom,” he says softly.
When he leans away, I freeze.Oh. He wants to have sex.
My entire body goes rigid. Of course he wants to have sex. He’s a sexually active,normal, twenty-five-year-old. He has sex all the time. Why wouldn’t he want to have sex after making out?
But I’d bet anything that if I tried to have sex with him right now, he’d be so weirded out by me. A virgin.
He’d be so turned off by how inexperienced and awkward I am.
I swallow hard. I’m suddenly cold all over.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his tone soft and gentle.
I bite my lip, my nerves going haywire. I nod, then shake my head, then nod.
His eyebrows crash together in confusion. “Ellie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly, pulling my shirt down. I cross my hands over my chest and tuck my feet under my legs.
Camden blinks at me, clearly not buying it. I don’t blame him. I look like I’m trying to shrink into myself.
I clear my throat. “I just, um…I wasn’t really planning to…”
I look at the foil square in his hand and work up the nerve to officially kill the mood.
He looks down at the condom. A second later, recognition flashes in his eyes.
“Oh.” He tosses the condom on the other bed. “Sorry, we don’t have to have sex. I just thought that you wanted to.”
I shake my head. “I don’t. I’m sorry.”
His blue eyes are big as he looks at me. He blinks and his brow furrows. He tugs a hand through his hair like he’s trying to figure out how to navigate this.
My entire body feels like it’s being poked with needles. I want to disappear. I want to crawl under the bedsheets and hide forever.
I pull the comforter back and slip underneath the covers.
“I’m going to sleep,” I say quickly. I turn away from him and face the wall. I ruined the moment. I made things so uncomfortable, and I now can’t even look at Camden.
I close my eyes, hoping he takes the hint.
A second later, I feel the mattress decompress as he stands up. I hear him walk into the bathroom, shut the door, and flip on the shower.
I let out a breath, tears burning in my eyes. As I will myself to go to sleep, I wish for the millionth time that I could be normal like everyone.
Chapter 23
