I gasp. “Oh no.”
“The TSA guy unpacked my bag and held up my hot pink vibrator in front of everyone, then shouted, ‘who does this belong to?’” Bella says. “It wassoembarrassing.”
Both she and Ingrid laugh even harder. I stand there, stunned. I would have died if that had happened to me. But Bella is so cool about it. Just like she’s cool about being around all these wild toys.
I wish I could be more like her—like all of these women. It’s clear how comfortable they are being in here—how comfortable they are with their sexuality.
That shame inside of me burns hotter. They’re not wilting little flowers like me, freaked out at just the thought of using any of these toys.
I’d give anything to be more like them. To be relaxed and excited instead of paralyzed with anxiety.
“Ever since that TSA incident, I keep the heavy-duty toys at home and bring the smaller, compact ones with me when I fly,” Bella says. “Lesson learned.”
I laugh, despite how uneasy I feel.
“Hey.” I look over and see Sophie standing next to me. “Sorry, is this too much?” she asks in a soft voice so only I can hear her. “We can leave if you’re not into this. We just thought itwould be fun for you since you’re a newlywed, but if you’re not having a good time, we can do something else. It’s no big deal.”
That uneasy feeling dials back the slightest bit. Sophie is so sweet to be concerned about my feelings.
As weird as this all is for me, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to give in to the discomfort and hide away, like I always do. Especially when they went out of their way to plan all this for me.
For once, I want to be just one of the girls on a fun, crazy night out. I want to be like everyone else, even if I have to pretend…even if deep down, I’m really not.
I shake my head and smile at Sophie. “No, it’s okay. This is fine.”
Before she can say anything, Dakota pulls her away to look at some crazy lingerie she found.
Bella turns to me, looking so pretty and cool and unbothered. “What other toys do you like besides vibrators?” she asks. “We want to stock you up with the good stuff.”
I order all the muscles in my face to keep an easy, neutral expression, despite how awkward I feel.
I don’t know what I like because I’ve never had sex, and I’ve only ever tried masturbating with my hand, but it felt so weird that I only attempt it a few times before giving up completely and now I’m the awkward, sexually repressed girl who doesn’t know what she likes or wants.
“I have an idea!” Ingrid says. “Let’s all pick out toys for Ellie. That way, she gets a variety of fun stuff.”
“Yes! Let’s do it!” Bella says. “That cool with you?”
I nod, then let out a slow, quiet breath, relieved that the focus is off me.
I see the toys that everyone tosses in the basket. A dildo. Another butt plug. Fuzzy handcuffs. My eyes go wide.
“You and Camden are gonna have so much fun.” Bella winks at me.
I force myself to chuckle. Once I’m home, all of this is going into a drawer and never, ever seeing the light of day.
Chapter 17
Camden
“You took us to a gay club?” I ask Xander.
He frowns like he’s never been more confused as he looks at the sign in front of this new club just outside of downtown Denver.
He looks back down at his phone. “I thought this was a hot dog place.”
Del rolls his eyes. “It’s called The Wiener Spot.”
Xander looks at Del, his brow furrowed like he’s offended. “That could be the name of a hot dog place.”
