Me:You always say the filthiest things in the gentlest voice. It’s unfair.
Fireboy:You like it.
Me:Too much.
Fireboy:You okay?
That stops me, and I blink at the screen.
Me:Yeah, just a weird day. Office cheer overload again. I’m just not the festive type.
Fireboy:I get that
Me:You don’t like Christmas?
There’s a pause, a pretty long one. I almost backtrack and send a “nevermind” or a dumb joke to soften it, but then a voice note comes through.
“My mom used to go hard for Christmas,” he says, voice softer now. “Tinsel everywhere, sugar cookies from scratch. The works. She was like an elf on crack. Then my dad got sick. And… the holidays just started feeling like pretending, like smiling through something heavy. Everything just dimmed after that, including her. So now we watch Die Hard and eat cheap chocolate together. That’s about it.”
I don’t move, can’t breathe. It’s the most personal thing he’s ever said.
Me:I’m sorry.
Fireboy:Thanks. It was a long time ago. Just explains why I don’t rock a Santa hat.
My heart tugs and I chew my bottom lip, then type back.
Me:My parents died a few years ago. December. Drunk driver.
Fireboy:Fuck, Red. I’m sorry.
Me:It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I just felt like telling you, because you told me
Fireboy:Yeah, crazy how we align on so much.
We do, we really fucking do. Absurdly so. It makes me think that this hasn’t happened by chance, and maybe he’s just waiting for me to take the initiative here. Maybe he’s giving me time to suggest we meet.
Me:My workmates were trying to nudge me into the Christmas spirit.
Fireboy:Yeah? What were they nudging you to do?
Me:They caught me smiling at my phone and gave me shit for it.
Fireboy:Damn. Caught in the act.
Me:Apparently I’ve now been sexting you for over a month and it’s time to check that you’re real and meet up.
Another pause. Not long enough to panic, but just enough to send a tiny flicker of dread through me.
Fireboy:They sound like good friends.
That’s it. No teasing, no jokes. No querying what I said back. Something about it makes my thumbs hesitate.
Me:They are. But I told them you feel real, even if I’ve never met you.
Fireboy:Haha
Me:Maybe one day we can?
