“Well, come on, we have three hours and many more booths to go.” Anna drops our hands but doesn’t let go of my finger. Shetugs me along while I hold the pale red paper bag holding our candles, and I follow like a dog.
24
ANNA
Saturday, December 21
“I can’t believeI leave and this happens.” Jenny shakes her head in, staring at me with a shell-shocked expression from the screen of my phone. “I’m going to need you to start from the beginning, and don’t leave a single detail out.”
I drop onto the plush bench in the fitting room and exhale a fatigued breath. I came to get a dress for Sylas’s parents’ Christmas party. We were supposed to go yesterday, but after the holiday market, we went to see the Rockefeller Christmas tree, then skated a little. By the time we were done, we were cold, so we went back to his penthouse. One moment I was sitting on his kitchen island and then we were getting undressed, every inch of him all over me.
We agreed to go today but his dad called and said he needed to practice. Sylas said as much as he wished he could’ve told him no, hockey is the one thing his dad won’t take no for an answer.
I told him I’d be okay doing this alone. Although after coming to a few stores he recommended, I wish he was here. I felt out of place at some of the stores Sylas recommended, and whilemost of the sales associates are nice, some of them are definitely judging me.
Thankfully I’ve already found a dress, so I won’t need to keep shopping. But now that I’m done, I wish Sylas were here. I’ve gotten used to his presence. It’s strange when I don’t see him or talk to him. I haven’t since nine this morning and it’s already six.
“Jenny, I’ve already told you everythingandin detail.”
She’s still not back and probably won’t be until the break is over. Though we’ve been talking and I’ve shared Sylas’s proposal to fake dating, sex, the money, everything. She was shocked then and still is, not that I blame her. I’m still not over how everything has played out.
“I know. I’m—it’s just—I can’t believe that you two—I’m sorry.” She chuckles, her face the image of bewilderment. “It’s insane.”
“Trust me, I know. I still can’t believe this is happening. That we’re doing this and how real it feels.” I stare at myself in the fitting room’s full-length mirror, eyeing the hickeys on my breasts and hips.
She gasps, wide eyes sparkling. “Is this you finally admitting what you’ve been in denial about?”
I set the phone down and grab my shirt, pulling it over my head. Since telling her, she’s been asking the same question I’ve been avoiding.
“Yeah, I like him. I like him a lot.” I shakily breathe, attempting to get the crazy flutters that burst in my stomach under control.
I didn’t want to believe I did. I thought maybe it was just infatuation, something that would pass, but it’s not. Night and day, I’m thinking about him. I count down the seconds to see him, absorb the sound of his voice, revel in the feel of his rough hands on my skin. And I don’t mean that in a purely sexual way. I just like how he touches me with care, like I’m special to him.
I guess I am, since I’m his pretend girlfriend. But I wish I weren’t; I wish I could takepretendout of the sentence.
She buries her face into her pillow, muffling her squeal. Lifting her head, she has a shit-eating grin on her face. “I can’t believe my Anna has feelings for someone.”
“Shut up.” I smile awkwardly as I grab my jeans. “It’s embarrassing to feel this way.”
Jenny laughs, sitting up against the headboard. “No, it’s cute.”
“Cute? Or delusional?” I button my jeans and slip my boots on. “It’s not real. Everything we’re doing is fake and?—”
“Let’s not do this.”
“Not do what?” I grab my jacket off the hook, along with my purse and the dress I’ll be buying.
“Act like something isn’t there. You’re too smart to act stupid. It’s obvious he likes you, and don’t say it’s because of his parents. I’m sure to some degree it is and while I won’t pretend to know him, I don’t think he’d go out of his way to do this for the hell of it.”
I know she’s right, but I’m a little afraid to believe there’s more and then have it blow up in my face. There’s this feeling in my stomach, warning me to be careful, but at the same time, it’s telling me to go for it. I’ve never felt like this and it’s freaking me out a little.
I want to go for it because the signs are there. I’d be stupid to act like they’re not, stupid to believe he’s just being nice or going out of his way because I’m doing him a favor, but it feels more than that.
“Don’t overcomplicate it. Go for it,” she urges, voice giddy, like she really believes everything will work out between Sylas and me.
And all I can do is hope I’m not setting myself up for failure.
25
