“I thought I told you to leave.” I look away, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from going off on him again. My face burns and my vision blurs, eyes welling with tears I refuse to let spill.
“Jos, look at me,” he gently says, his voice pleading.
I don’t want to, but I can’t shut him out.
“What?” I sniffle and hate myself as a lone tear streaks down my cheek, but staring at him only forces more out. A lump grows in my throat, making it hard to speak but that doesn’t stop the stupid choked sob to get past my mouth.
“It’s okay, Josie. I’m right here.”
I don’t fight him when he wraps an arm around my shoulder and the other around my front, hauling me to him. He holds me firmly, letting me break down in his arms. He doesn’t ask me what’s wrong or badger me with questions. He only rubs my arm until I’m sniffling.
I’m not sure how I manage to speak, but once I do, I can’t stop. “You can’t promise you’re going to be here at a certain timeand then not show up. You can’t make those kinds of promises. You shouldn’t make them if you can’t keep them.”
“I’m sorry, Josie.” He hooks a finger under my wet chin and makes me look at him. His eyes bore into mine, then sweep over my face, before he wipes away the remaining tears. “I had every intention of being here on time. I’m sorry for worrying you. I promise I didn’t mean to.”
Words get caught in my throat. Ugly, vivid images play in my head.
“I’m here,” he says and grabs my hand, making me cup his cheek. He keeps his large palm over my hand, the other still around my shoulder. “Do you feel me?”
I sniffle again and nod.
“I’m right here,” he fervently says. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t make those promises,” I croak.
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you through that,” he sincerely says. “Do you still feel me?”
I nod again and when he drops his palm, I brush my finger on his cheek. It’s not until I do that, that I realize I’m holding my breath and when I release it, everything in me eases. It’s then I realize something I hadn’t before: I’m sitting on his lap.
He doesn’t look uncomfortable or weird like he had Monday night, but I know I should move. I’m okay now and I’m sure he knows that, but as if he were reading my mind, he says, “I’m here as long as you need me to be. You do what you need to do.”
I should get up, but I don’t. With my hand still on his cheek, I rest my head on his shoulder, close my eyes, and exhale a shaky breath.
“Mom texted me and said she was going to be home in thirty minutes.”
He holds me tighter. I know he knows, like everyone in town knows, how she died. A man had been on something, wasspeeding, and hit her head-on. He lived because of course they always do, but she died on impact.
“Please…” I whimper. The thought of something happening to him painfully grips me. “Don’t do that again.”
“I promise I won’t,” he says against my head, and I feel him place a chaste kiss there.
My face warms, but I don’t put too much thought into it. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
I drag my fingers down his jawline. There’s more I should probably say and do. I should get off him, stop touching him, stop whatever it is I’m doing, but I can’t bring myself to do anything that my brain is shouting at me to do.
When my fingers are at his chin, I lift them but hesitate when they’re beneath his bottom lip. But then he tips his head down just a little and my fingers slip.
I brush them along his lips and feel his warm breath. My heart rate spikes when he kisses them or at least that’s what it felt like to me. But when I feel it again, I know it wasn’t my imagination.
I want to look up at him. I want it to be my lips instead. I want a lot of things, but those things aren’t meant for me.
Daniel is perfect and I’m far from okay. I should think it through, but I also don’t want to.
So I tilt my head back, looking up at him and find him already staring down at me. His eyes burn me and hold me in place, then they dip to my lips.
He doesn’t make a move, he doesn’t do anything but smile at me, and says something that feels like a slap to reality.
