“I’m not going to do that,” I say just as it’s our turn to order.
Doing that would require me putting my fear aside. But why would I sign up for those swim lessons when it’s obvious she wants nothing to do with me? She probably wouldn’t reply to my email anyway.
I shake the thought away, but as she walks past me, our gazes collide and something weird happens in my chest. When she looks away, the weird feeling stops but the thought comes flying back.
I’m not going to do it.
“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Angel quietly says to me as the guys place their orders.
“I’m not.”
“Right,” he drawls.
“I’m not.” I shouldn’t but I sound defensive as hell.
“Sure, Danny.”
I can’t reply because it’s his turn to order. But it doesn’t matter, I’m not going to do it.
9
JOSEFINE
I’m notsure what I’ve done to make Vienna want to stick around, but she’s been meeting me for lunch since last Wednesday. It wasn’t something we planned, but we ran into each other again on Thursday and by the end of it, she was saying she’d see me the next day. Sure enough, Friday at the same time, we met and had lunch together.
I don’t know what to make of this. I thought by now she’d be put off by me. I have a track record of not keeping friends.
It’s so bad, people call me Wednesday. Though I’m not sure if they still do; I haven’t been around anyone enough to know.
Vienna—Vi, she insists I call her that, wipes her mouth and her gaze shifts all over S.S. Though it doesn’t look like she’s looking for someone, she almost looks like she’s a little nervous.
“You okay?” I hope to God she says yes because I’m shit at comforting people.
As her eyes settle on me, she huffs out a quiet laugh. “Yeah. I don’t want to be that person.”Oh no, here we go. I knew this was too good to be true.“And I’m not going to be, I promise.”Wait, what is she on?“I want to welcome you to the dead mom’s club. I didn’t want to make things awkward and express my condolences because it’s weird. I mean because I get it. Thesuffocating hugs, the overwhelming need people have to be all up in your space when all you want is to be alone, and the inclination people have to constantly remind you that she died whenyouknow. Like what do I know? She was only my mom for seventeen years.”
A knot of ambivalence twists in my stomach, my mind blank because I actually don’t know how to respond to that.
Vi blanches, seemingly embarrassed. “That was weird. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I just wanted you to know that I get it. I’m so sorry. I’ve been told to stop using humor to…I’m going to shut up.”
My lips involuntarily jerk, but only briefly.
I thought she was going to ask for tips and tricks about swimming because most people do. Once they get what they want I’m forgotten about.
“Don’t apologize. I don’t mind it. I’ve been told I have a dry sense of humor, so it’s nothing to me.” The reminder of how much Bryson hated my sense of humor rushes in my head. “I’ll welcome your humor over hugs any day. So please don’t hug me.”
She giggles as she picks up her sub. “No hugging you. Got it.”
Daniel is the exception because I wasn’t thinking when he hugged me on Christmas Day. But I’ll never let him or anyone hug me again. Hugs feel too personal and make me uncomfortably itchy.
Somehow as I think that, Daniel’s eyes clash with mine. I don’t know what’s going on, why the universe is so intent on me running into him. But everywhere I turn, he’s there.
He’s sitting with his friends a few tables away from us. I swear I wasn’t looking for him, and I doubt he was looking for me. Somehow, like magnets, we found each other, forced to connect by an odd electrical pull, and now that we’ve connected, it feels hard to look away.
He flashes me a lopsided smile, sweet and flirty, and that feels strangely dangerous.
Thankfully, Penelope stands in front of me, splitting the pull our eyes seem to have on each other.
“Josie, hey,” she perkily greets. “I thought I’d never run into you. I guess it’s my fault for not getting your number that day.”
