Pen sniffles and I don’t have to look at her to know she is too. I can’t look anyway because my vision is blurred by the onslaught of tears that won’t stop spilling.
“We wanted you to hear it from us. We wanted you to know how much we care about you.”
“I-I love you too.” That was so weird to get out but also…kind of nice. “Now if you don’t mind…” I get choked up. “Get off me. I genuinely feel like I’m evaporating as I speak.”
They both laugh and squeeze me once more before letting go of me.
“Thanks for being here. It means a lot.” I smile at them, wiping the tears away.
Vienna saw me physically at my worst, and Penelope, despite what happened between her brother and me, is still here. She also knows about my crash out, and even knowing that, they’re both still here. Like it doesn’t matter how unstable my emotions are, how awkward I am, how I’m not as bubbly as they are—they’re still here.
They still want me for me.
I’m enough for them.
They’re going to stay.
April 21st
“Josefine,” Monica warmly greets me, motioning for me to come into her office.
She emailed me this morning, asking if I could meet her. I assume it’s because I still haven’t gotten back to her and she probably wants to let me know they’ve offered it to someone else.
“Thanks for meeting me on such short notice.” She sits, her posture laid-back.
“Yeah, no problem.” I take a seat across from her and wipe my palms on my thighs.
She smiles. “I’m going to cut to the chase. I’m sure you’re busy and probably don’t have a lot of time.”
I shrug but I don’t nod. Other than hiking and a few assignments, I don’t have anything going on in my life. There’s meditating. Pen says it’s good for the soul or whatever. So I’m trying it.
“I don’t mean to be persistent about this, but I just wanted to know if you’ve thought about the offer?”
I can’t hide my shock fast enough. “Oh.”
“You seem surprised.”
“Yeah, I figured you would’ve already offered it to someone else.”
“No. I still want you to take it.”
“Why me? There are a lot of qualified candidates who I’m sure would kill for this.”
She sits forward, I think crossing one of her legs over the other. “I’m going to be frank with you. You are brilliantly talented and I’d hate for that to go to waste. You have an eyefor this and are the most qualified, if not overqualified, for this position, but I know you’re uncertain about what you want to do career wise and maybe this could help you figure it out. I know you teach swim lessons, so you’re obviously not done with being in the water.”
I stare at her, stupefied. “How do you know this?”
“You made a comment to Ross.”
Right, her. She’s the Associate Head Coach for the Women’s Swim team. When I decided to quit swimming, I spoke to her because I refused to talk to Christian. She tried to convince me to stay, but I was overwhelmed with Mom’s death and I wanted nothing to do with swimming. But in doing so, I think I crashed out and told her about my uncertain future.
“Oh.” I drop my gaze to the sleek floor.
“If you really don’t want this, you can tell me no. I promise there will be no hard feelings.” I’m sure she means it. Her voice is soft and understanding.
Discomfort twists in my stomach as I go back and forth, debating whether I want to tell her it’s hard for me to make up my mind.
But the words vomit out before I can stop them. “Maybe I do want to do it but the thought of stepping back in that natatorium makes me anxious. Since Mom passed, I’ve been struggling, and I’m afraid to freak out or do something really stupid. That’s why I don’t think I’m suited for the position. I appreciate you thinking of me, believing in me, wanting me to help, but I’m not mentally ready.”
