I clench my teeth, fisting my hands, but I don’t punch him. I promised Coach I wouldn’t. “I don’t know what you’re going on about, but get out of my way.”
“Any girl. You could’ve had any girl, but you picked Josie? Of all the girls, you just had to pick her?” His nostrils flare and a flash of glooms strikes his face.
“For fuck’s sake.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.Breathe in and out.“Get over it.”
“Get over it,” he mocks dryly. “I bet you’re happy, huh? You bring her around me. You live with her. You get to parade her around. Get to?—”
“We broke up!” The pressure in my chest expands through my body. My fingers stiffly curve in, making them hard to move. “We’re not together!” I inhale a shallow breath. “I don’t live with her!” Why is it so hot in here? “I don’t know what you fucking want from me!” My ears are ringing, and my hands shake. “I don’t—” Why is everything so blurry? I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, but when I open them everything tunnels. “I don’t—” Why can’t I breathe?
My chest is pounding. God, it hurts. It really fucking hurts.
I walk away, or at least I think I do? I’m walking, I’m moving.
No.
Stop!
Everything hurts.
I can’t breathe.
My chest—my lungs, they violently expand but I absorb no air. Did they stop working? Why aren’t they working?
My face. I can’t feel it. Why can’t I feel my face? My face. My chest. Why is nothing working? Am I dying?
My legs sway with every step despite how heavy they feel.
I need to sit. I need air.
I can’t breathe.
You make me so happy.
I drop to the ground. I don’t want to, but I do. I don’t know what I’m doing.
I tuck my legs to my chest, raising my palms to cover my ears, but the piercing ringing doesn’t stop.
Where is that noise coming from?
Why can’t I breathe?
“Get…everyone…”
Yelling. Who’s yelling?
“Out!”
I can’t see. Am I sweating? Stop sweating!
I’m always thinking about you.
Everything’s spinning. My thoughts aren’t mine. I can’t control anything. I’m so lost. I’m so hot. Am I dying?
“I can’t…” It feels like someone is choking me, it hurts so bad. I don’t know if I got the words out.
I rock back and forth, squeezing my ears, but noise persists incessantly.
“…hurts,” I sputter out and manage to inhale a tiny breath, but it only makes me dizzy.
