He drags his hand over his hair, behind his head. “I’m sorry. She…she broke up with you.”
Everything inside me crashes hard. I reel back, shaking my head in disbelief. “Stop messing around. Where is she?”
I pat my pockets for my phone, but I don’t feel it.
“Danny…” His face pinches with pain and discomfort, and a strangled groan rips from the back of his throat. “You said some things last night. A lot of things that I wasn’t even—fuck.” He rubs his eyes hard. He looks at me with a confliction of emotions, but the one that overrides them all is devastation. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know. I didn’t think—I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there for you more. I’m sorry.”
My stomach roils, the alcohol threatening to rise. “What are you talking about? Why are you sorry?”
“You told Josie…” His shoulders sink as he expels a demoralizing breath and tells me in detail everything that happened last light, everything I said and what she did, as well as what she said. “She wants you to get your things from her house and said she wasn’t going to kill herself.”
I break into a cold sweat, bringing my hands behind my head, pacing, trying to remember last night, but only blurry, two second clips flash in my head. All of them, a cloudy picture of her face.
“What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?” I murmur under my breath. “I didn’t mean to—she’s not a distraction. She’s—” The weight of my words sink to the pit of my stomach, making it churn until I feel bile rise up. I gag and almost trip over my feet as I run to his bathroom and double over onto the toilet.
My throat burns as the acidic liquid spills out, and my stomach constricts excruciatingly as the vomit continues to pour out of my mouth. I’m convulsing violently, gasping for air until my stomach empties.
I’m not sure how long I stay crouched over the toilet, but when I’m done, I fall on my ass, my back smacking hard against the tub.
“Here.” Angel hands me a small wet washcloth and flushes the toilet.
I wipe my mouth and drop it on the ground, burying my face in my clammy hands. My breath grows shallow, and my chest becomes tight with every inhale. I can’t breathe. Fuck, I can’t breathe.
“I can’t…” I’m gasping for air or choking on it, I don’t know, but I’m suffocating; everything’s going black. “I c-can’t breathe. Angel…I can’t?—”
“Hey, you’re okay.” He’s in front of me in an instant, hands on my shoulders, but he feels so far away. “You’re okay, Danny. Breathe in and out,” he instructs, and I think,he sounds distant. Why does he look blurry? I can’t breathe. “You’re okay. I’m right here. Breathe in and out. Danny, look at me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re okay.”
I think I nod and faintly hear him until his voice grows louder.
“Danny, look at me,” he urges, squeezing my shoulders, and when I finally do, his trembling lips lift. “Breathe…yeah, just like that. Breathe.”
My throat, my chest—everything hurts, everything burns. I want to speak, but I can’t. Everything feels tight, swollen, like I’m on the brink of death. I’m shaking. I can’t stop shaking.
“What’s wrong with me?” I gasp sharply, my voice breaking. I’m not sure if I actually even said those words or if I thought them.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You’re just hurting.” His breath catches, but he clears it. “There’s nothing wrong with that, but you need to talk to someone.”
I shake my head. “I-I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m?—”
“You’re not. You told Josie you attempted…many times. That’s not—” He blinks several times, pausing as he sucks in a harrowing breath. “fine. That’s not fine. I can’t lose you. Dammit, Daniel.” His words are a mere choked whisper as he blankets his arms around me, holding me tightly until it slaps me back to reality. “I’m here for you.”
It’s as eye-opening as it is scary as fuck because I realize he knows and she knows. What will they think of me? What have I done?
My gaze flickers aimlessly as my mind sinks into the dark void I was trying so hard to stay out of.
I want to talk, to move, to hug him because he needs it, but I can’t do anything but sink further into a lifeless pit.
Dropping my head on his shoulder, I close my eyes and feel nothing.
It hurts and that’ll probably never go away, but you can share your pain with me.
Josie.
“I need to talk to Josie. I need to make things right. I need her.” I sit back, forcing myself to snap out of it.
He tugs back, staring at me emphatically. “You need to rest. Maybe you can see her later and?—”
“No, fuck that. I need to see her now. I need to make things right. I need her to know that I didn’t mean what I said because I didn’t. I swear I didn’t.”
