“He was talking shit.”
“He’s always talking shit. That doesn’t mean you should punch him.” Her face scrunches with displeasure. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
I exhale harshly through my nose. “Because I didn’t want you to know what he said because it’s shit. I don’t want you to think you are those things, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t need you to protect me.” She repeatedly points at her chest with her index finger. She does it so hard, I hear each thump.
I grab her hand, making her stop. “Not too hard.” Her stiff hand softens in mine, and she looks at me like she hadn’t realized she was doing that. “I still think about that night on thecliff. I sometimes dream about it. Sometimes I think of the what-ifs, Josefine, and when I do, I get really fucking sad. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I don’t want anyone to hurt you. So yeah, I punched Bryson and I don’t regret it. I’d do it again and again.”
“I’m sorry you had to witness that.” She scowls, yanking her hand back. “I’m sorry I’ve put you through that, but I’m not going to kill myself. Take your pity and obligation elsewhere because I don’t need it. And next time, let him run his mouth but don’t punch him.”
She turns but I stand in front of her, not letting her walk away. “Are you upset I hurt him?”
The question both hurts and pisses me off. She’s made it abundantly clear she doesn’t like him, but what if I misread the signs.
She incredulously stares up at me but then brings her palms to her face. She drops them and a devastated expression mars her face. “No! I’m not upset you hurt him. I’m upset, I’m annoyed, I’m frustrated thatyoucould’ve gotten hurt. Thatyoucould’ve gotten in trouble.”
Oh.“You’re worried about me?”
“Yes! I worry about you because I care about you! You could’ve broken your hand or gotten suspended, or hell if I know but don’t do something stupid like that for me ever again.”
My lips uncontrollably rise.
“Stop smiling.” She frowns. “I’m not worth it and I wish you’d understand that. I’m sorry you had to witness that. I’m sorry you dream and think about it, but I haven’t thought about ending my life since that night. You don’t have to worry about me. Bryson’s words aren’t going to set me off. It’s not the first time he’s talked shit about me, and I know it won’t be the last. So whatever he says, just ignore him.”
“Josie.” I take a step forward, and she takes three back.
“No, I’m mad at you right now.”
“Josie.” Another step forward, but this time she only takes two back.
“I can’t believe you did that and lied to me,” she huffs out.
Grabbing her hips, I tug her, closing the space between us. “You’re worth it. I need you to understand that I don’t like the thought of anyone fucking with you. I’m not doing this out of pity or because I feel obligated, but I do think about that night because…” I swallow. “Because I just do. I can’t help it, and I can stand here and lie but there’s no point.” Raising my hands, I cup the side of her neck. “I care so deeply for you and it’s not because of how we met. I care for you more than I care about anything or anyone. I need you to understand that I’d do anything for you. I need you to understand that I don’t regret what I did and wouldn’t change anything about it.”
She’s not frowning but she has a cute little pout. “You say I’m stubborn, but you should look in the mirror. You’re worse.”
I’m smiling again. “For you, I’ll be whatever.”
“I thought you had punched him because of Amanda,” she says in a quiet voice like she’s embarrassed to have admitted that.
My brows furrow, dropping my hands to her waist. “Why?”
“Because I saw him the first time you punched him. He lied about it at first but then said it was because of her. I figured you snapped because you got jealous.”
I peer over my shoulder at the bar, contemplating going back to punch him again.
“Daniel.” She cups my jaw, urging me to look at her. “Don’t think about it.”
“I’m not going to, I promise.” I let the thought go. “I don’t care about her. I stopped a long time ago. I neither like nor love her.”
“Why are you telling me that?” She drops her hand, letting it hang limply at her side.
“Because I want you to know you’re all I care about. All I think about. All I want.”
My ongoing issues with my asphyxiating thoughts stopped me from saying it out loud. I don’t want to be her problem, something she needs to worry about. But I want to be selfish, just this once. I want to make her mine, and I want her to want me just as much.
I’m not going to push because I don’t know where she truly stands with me. She doesn’t believe in love, I know that much, but I’d love to be the difference. I’d love to win her over, but I don’t want to rush it either.
