My bunched muscles and coiled nerves relieve themselves from the tension they’d been trapped in. Now all I feel is safe and okay.
He stares at me like I’m his most prized possession—something delicate, something important to him. And I hate that because I’m not special, yet he makes me feel like I am.
He smiles at me before his gaze drifts to my lips. I want to look away, but I find myself doing the same, staring at his lips.
I don’t let myself think this time as I lift my head and meet his lips halfway. He softly kisses me, not rushing with lust or hungrily like something he needs to get over with. He takes his time as if he were savoring me.
When he pulls back, he smiles down at me, places a chaste kiss to my forehead and holds me like I’m his. It’s dangerous I know, but at this moment, I pretend like I am his and not a disintegrating mess.
38
DANIEL
You didn’t try hard enough!He’s not dead! Try again or I will! I’ll do CPR!
The sharp ring of the doorbell pierces the quiet house, disrupting the memory but not making it go away. It hovers over my head like a dark fog, lingering.
When the doorbell rings again, I realize I zoned out and I’m still sitting on the side of my bed.
Lifting my hat, I comb my fingers through my hair, before I place it back and trudge down the stairs. As I stand in front of the door, I smile but close my eyes because it feels too tight on my face. Blowing out a breath, I attempt it again and this one feels more natural.
Angel, Kai, and Gray stand on the other side. They have grocery bags in their hands and a duffle or a bookbag on their shoulders.
“Took you long enough,” Kai huffs. “What are you doing in there?” He smirks, peeking around me as if he hopes to see something scandalous.
“I didn’t take that long.”
“We rang the bell five minutes ago and we texted you,” Angel waves his phone.
All of a sudden, my clothes feel too tight on me, my skull painfully throbs, and my chest flares with anxiety.
Impending doom is what I’ve been feeling recently. I know why and I wish I could make it go away. I wish I could shut my brain off from the memory, but I can’t. Every year close to Adrian’s death anniversary, I feel dread, so much of it. And the day of is full of blur-filled panic attacks.
“Sorry, I was finishing up an assignment and?—”
Gray barks out a laugh. “Right, sure,assignment.” He winks at me. “Those assignments…” he says extra loud as I step to the side to let them in. “They make us lose track of time, don’t they?”
“She’s not here, dumbass.” I lead them into the kitchen and watch their gaze coast over it, then the living room, until they finally settle on the flowers.
Josie gave me the green light to let the guys come over a few days ago. I wasn’t going to ask, but she said I could bring people over since I live here, so long as it doesn’t become a party. Which I’m totally okay with. I invited my old roommates and they came except for Noah. He said he’s had enough of us and needs his space.
Which is valid. Since the season started almost two weeks ago, we’ve had nine games and the last five were back-to-back days. And despite not having a game today, we still had team lift in the morning and practice. It wasn’t as heavy as it was during preseason, but it was still exhausting, nonetheless.
“Sure, right.” He winks again.
“She went on a run a while ago.” That’s not a lie, but Kai and Gray are looking at me like they’re not buying it.
“What’s with the flowers?” Angel asks, amused and shocked.
I couldn’t decide which yellow flower to get, so I got one of each. Although I didn’t mean to get two dozen of each, but it was the best mistake of my life. Whenever we’re in the kitchen or living room, I’ll catch Josie smiling as she’s looking at them.She’s even taken a few to her room. And she’s been diligently replacing their water, so they still look good for it being two weeks since I gave them to her.
“Forget the flowers. It feels so…sterile.” Kai’s eyes roam over every inch of space he can. There’s a lot of it, but because there’s not a lot in here, it really enhances how white and gray everything is. “It’s so cold and?—”
“It’s not your house, so shut the fuck up.” I cut him off sharply.
I noticed that too and when I asked Josie about it—not in the way Kai just spoke about it—she said, her mom liked everything simple. I get simplicity, but this is something else. There are no picture frames, colors, or anything, and because Josie is constantly cleaning it, it doesn’t feel like it’s been lived in. It actually looks like one of those staged houses.
I wanted to ask Josie more about it, but she looked overwhelmed and annoyed, so I didn’t pry. After our conversation two weeks ago though, it makes me wonder how Josie’s mom treated her. Now all I want to do is hold her.
