1
JOSEFINE
I knewone day I’d meet death face to face, but I didn’t expect it to be like this. And I certainly didn’t expect it to not feel terrifying.
I guess that happens when you come to terms with it. When you stop fighting the current that keeps dragging you under. When you finally cave and let it take you. When you accept taking the grim reaper’s hand. Though I’ve not taken his hand yet, but I will.
I just need a few more seconds to…well, I’m not sure what exactly it is that I’m doing. Feeling something isn’t going to happen.
I stopped feeling anything a long time ago.
I tried, maybe not enough, but I did what I could. At least what I thought I should do, but it was futile because I’m here and I’ll be gone soon.
Gone andmost definitelyforgotten.
And I have no one to blame but myself.
I inhale deeply; the salty air fills my lungs and a faint taste of salt coats my tongue. I’ll be getting more of that soon—and water, a lot of it.
Taking a step closer, I neither falter nor feel my heart ricochet the way it used to when I knew I was in danger or was about to get hurt. No, my body and brain have accepted what’s to come. It’s why I don’t seize with fear as the ground beneath my shoes erodes. The small rocks roll off, tumbling and smacking against the cliffside, but within seconds, the sound gets lost to the harsh noise of the waves crashing violently. They’re loud, the impact so strong it reverberates like an endless roar.
One more inhale.
One last glance at the moon.
I close my eyes, meet the grim reaper’s wicked smile as he stretches his bony hand for me to take, and step forward.
But I falter, then freeze in my spot, at the sound of a deep masculine voice.
No one should be here. It’s close to midnight—I think—and it’s Christmas Eve or Day. I’m not sure what time it is exactly because I didn’t bring my phone.
I came now because of how dark it’d be and because I knew I’d be completely alone. It’s perfect because in the darkness, I easily blend in. Though it really doesn’t matter. Even in the daytime, I’m nobody to everyone.
My eyebrows furrow because this is the second thing not going according to plan.
The first is that the moon is full. It’s so blindingly bright, I see its reflection on the surface of the dark blue water.
And I hate that because seeing its reflection is like seeing mine. All I see is all my failures and insecurities. They’re all bouncing back at me, mocking me, taunting me.
The second is that he, whoever he is, is here.
The third is that I hesitated. I wasn’t supposed to do that. I should already be dead.
Goddammit, I can’t even do this right.
“Hey.” He treads carefully. His footsteps are faint behind me. “What are?—”
“I was here first. Go away,” I harshly clip.
“Can you take a few steps back?”
“No. Go away.”
“Please don’t do this,” he pleads. His words bounce off my ears and fall down the cliff, sinking or being taken away by the waves, the way the small rocks did.
“Go. Away.”
“Please don’t do this,” he repeats, and again, his words do nothing for me.
