I watch as the three sisters carefully and methodically clean up Halo’s injuries. I can tell he’s hurting, but his eyes never leave Dottie’s face. She is grasping on to both of his hands. Dani is right behind Dottie with Bowie next to her. Something flashes in Halo’s eyes as he watches everyone around him. I hear Dottie whisper that he’s not alone, which to my shock has Halo’s eyes getting wet. Fuck, one of the things I can’t handle is a grown man crying. Someone pounds on the door, so I turn as I wipe my own eyes. Unlocking it, I shove it open to see half of our club standing on the porch, guns drawn. Raven, Wildcat, and Glory are on guard duty on the deck while Tink, Taz, and Vixen push their way into the already packed room. No one says a word as Shadow, Spirit, and Rebel work on Halo. He’s looking even more gray and pasty to me, so I whisper to Tink we need to get him to the clinic. She motions to Taz, who opens the door screaming something to the sisters out there. Taz stands by the door as Glory comes in with a thick brown moving blanket. She folds it in half and places it behind Dottie on the table. Once the gauze has been packed in his wounds and then wrapped, Shadow, Spirit, and Rebel get out of the way as Dottie stands first then sits next to Halo. It’s like watching a practiced dance as Glory and Wildcat lay the moving blanket on the table while Raven and Rebel help Halo up and over to the table. He starts to fuss whenTink tells him, in not so many words, to shut the hell up and let them do what they got to do for him. Wildcat brings bungee cords and after Halo is lying down they strap the blanket to his ankles and across his shoulders, where there is no burned skin or bullet holes. Then four sisters on each end grab the blanket, lifting him up, and start moving toward the door. Just as Taz opens it Noodles, Panther, Avalanche, Ollie, and a few folks from the sanctuary must have just pulled up. The guys help get Halo in the back of the open end of one of the club’s Jeeps. Just before Raven starts to leave, Dottie runs out and jumps into the Jeep to be close to Halo. I’m glad she’s finding her own because my little sister deserves it. Feeling something off, I turn to see Dani watching her twin as the Jeep takes off. She looks so very lost, it has me moving closer and pulling her into my side. She looks up and grins my way.
“Dani, you’ll always have Dottie, but don’t forget you have all of us too. You’re stuck with us, little sister.”
She looks down for a second at Bowie then back up at me.
“Thanks, Heartbreaker, I needed that. I so appreciate you.”
That right there makes my day. Well, that, and when I look up I see Shadow watching us. When she meets my eyes she mouths, “I appreciate you too, pain in my ass,” which has me laughing out loud. She chuckles a bit while everyone else looks at the two of us like we’re butt-ass crazy. Guess we totally are and so much more than just crazy, that’s for damn sure.
ELEVEN
HALO
BENJI
By the time the Jeep takes off toward what I’m assuming is to the clinic, both of my legs feel like they are on fire, and this is a feeling I know very well. For fuck’s sake, I thought they were both grazes but the blood loss and dizziness says something else. Well, that and none of the Devil’s Handmaidens wanting to close the wounds up. With the second and third degree burn scars on my upper thighs, my tolerance is not that great. When Rebel was about to press down on my thighs, I almost lost it until she placed the ointment on the towels first. This way it prevented contact irritation which, damn, I appreciate more than words can ever explain. Know there is a story there, like how and why she knew to do that, but I don’t have the mindset to ask questions right now. My mind is drifting back to my past when I spent my time as a prisoner of war, and all the fucking things those sick motherfucking animals did to our team. Those darkest moments will never totally leave my memories, no matter how much I try to get rid of them. There are times I’ve woken myself up screaming and fighting ghosts while it felt like those bastards either had the blow torch or the candle lighters on my skin again. The one specialist explained it to me: with the skin grafts and damage to not only my epidermis, but also the dermis andpart of the hypodermis, the severe damage done is not going to heal or probably get any better than it is right now. I’m learning to deal with all the complications by trying to find things that will help me move forward with my life by dealing with my past, which includes seeing the therapist at the sanctuary, while doing whatever work for both the sanctuary and for the Devil’s Handmaidens ranch.
As the Jeep comes to a stop, I hear all kinds of voices but only have eyes for Dottie, who is holding on to my hands for dear life but hasn’t said a word since we left the cabin. I kind of figure she’s worried that maybe she’ll say the wrong thing, as we haven’t gotten to that secure place where we’ve bared our hearts about the past and now are looking toward the future. For the first time in my life, I want a relationship, with that someone being Dottie. I squeeze her hands back and when her eyes meet mine, I mouth to her, “Thank you.” She nods and then jumps off the Jeep just as the guys once again lift me and carry me into the clinic where I see Dr. Mal is waiting. There is a nurse too, though I don’t know her. As I’m placed on a hospital bed in a room resembling an emergency room, I hear a commotion right before Shadow and Spirit push their way into the room. Shadow’s hand is already up before Dr. Malcolm can say a word. He shakes his head then starts to unwrap me from the blanket to see where my wounds are. I hear a few gasps, so being me, I lift my head and drop it back down immediately. I feel Dr. Mal placing something under first my right then my left thigh, right before both are pulled extremely tight. If not a tourniquet, then something to help slow down the bleeding. The nurse is taking my stats. I’m feeling dizzy and know the doc needs to know.
“Doc, I’m feeling a bit lightheaded and dizzy. Might be blood loss, though not sure.”
Dr. Mal doesn’t say a thing to me but tells the nurse to start an IV for fluid resuscitation because of probable hypovolemia. Ihave no idea what that means and when I look around, Shadow must see the questions in my eyes so she moves closer and leans down.
“Halo, all that means is you’ve lost a lot of blood and they are gonna try to get your fluids up. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.”
On that comment, Dr. Mal’s head jerks up before his eyes meet Shadow’s. It’s brief but whatever the doc saw brought a smirk to his face. Shadow chuckles as she moves away. During all of this Dottie is at the foot of the bed, her hands on my calves. I actually like the physical contact from her, which is giving me a weird feeling in my gut. Something about Dottie is throwing me way the hell off and I’m not even pissed off about it, just slightly afraid and scared. When I spoke to the counselor during my appointment, she said that there are times when an instant connection can happen. She stated it sounds like that’s what’s happening with Dottie and me.
I jerk when a needle goes into my arm. Well, at least the nurse hit the vein on the first poke. Dr. Mal clears his throat and I look his way.
“Halo, got to do some debriding and removal of debris before I close you up. Probably going to put some drains in the wounds so we don’t get any buildup or edema. My question is, it’s best if I numb it to prevent jerking, or worse, pulling away from me. Are you okay with that?”
Immediately I’m about to tell him absolutely not when I feel her hands squeezing my calves. I look down to her and she barely shakes her head. I give her a raised eyebrow, which has her moving her head back and forth.
“Benji, let Doc do what he needs to. It’s best for all if you sit still while he tries to put you back together. If not for yourself, then do it for me.”
The shift in the room is immediate and I’m guessing Dottie isn’t one to advertise her feelings generally. That almost brings a grin to my face. Her eyes never leave mine, and it’s like we have a conversation without words. I finally nod my agreement and she rewards me with the sexiest and warmest smile I’ve ever received in my life. I tell Doc to go ahead and then I lie back into the bed, trying to relax, as Dottie moves to the side the nurse was working on. I feel a needle go into my leg but not much else. That is until the throbbing pain in my thigh starts to fade. That needle goes in and out a few more times before rotating to the other leg. The relief is beyond amazing. My eyes shift to Doc Mal, who is watching me closely.
“Halo, gave you the minimum to get you through the rough part. Can you feel any of this? If not, I’ll get started but don’t hesitate to let me know if you should feel any pain or discomfort.”
Not sure how long it takes but with Dottie holding on to my hand, and with the intense pain finally lessening, I feel my eyes starting to shut. At first, I fight it, but eventually I slowly fade into the darkness. As I go deeper under, I feel the twitchy feeling moving throughout my body, which is the first sign my nightmares are fighting to come to haunt me. Usually, I can hold them back but with whatever I was given it’s weakened my walls. Like a really horrific movie, everything I’ve been through starts to run through my mind’s eye. Trying as hard as I can to stay still and quiet, I can actually hear my cries for help and screams of terror. After my first cry, I could have sworn that multiple voices were loudly talking, but when I let out a loud scream, immediately, I feel a soft warm body get into the bed next to me, moving as close to my side as possible without touching my thighs. Taking in a breath, the scent tells me immediately that it’s Dottie. As my mind takes in all that is her, my nightmares start to fade the more I feel and smell the woman attached tomy side. Tough as nails with skin so soft I want my hands and mouth to touch her everywhere. The last thought I have before I finally give in is Dottie’s voice telling me it’s going to be okay. That I’m not alone. Dottie tells me everyone has my back and that’s when I hear and feel other hands and voices. The peace I feel is overwhelming and since I’ve had issues with how to deal with my emotions, I let the damn drugs do their job and pull me under into a deep sleep.
Slowly the fog lifts as my mind starts to clear, which has me struggling to wake up. I try to take stock of my body and the damage that was done. Not feeling much pain, so guessing I’ve been shot up with some really good drugs. It’s quiet except for the beeping of the machines and a low hum of voices whispering all around me. I don’t recognize all of them but a few stand out, especially Dottie’s. In a short period of time, somehow, she’s pushed her way past my walls and that scares the shit outta me. I’m a dangerous motherfucker with more than one screw loose. After my last mission, neither the military nor our government even attempted to help me to reintegrate into my life in the States. All some of the doctors did was put me in a “ward” for military folks with, as they kept saying, mental problems. Now this wasn’t a hospital for medical issues but more of a pretty prison for soldiers like me, who are fucked in the head. At first, when I was able to comprehend where they stuck me, I lost it. I became the animal they accused me of being. Fuck, I was a dead man barely walking and breathing in that place we named Hell on Earth. The first person to address me as a military veteran, I almost took their head off. Just hearing those two words altered my life more than my time as a prisoner of war because it meantI no longer was a person actively serving my country. It was bad enough that I was WIA, wounded in action as the military calls it. The acronym VSI was attached to me, which means very seriously ill or injured. By the time the recovery teams returned for my team, half of the men were already dead, either by starvation or torture. The few of us who remained wouldn’t have lasted probably another week or two if not rescued. That was a violent as fuck battle, as the insurgents who were holding us captive did not want to release us and were ready to fight to the death, theirs and ours. Little did they know, we had planned for a rescue, though we didn’t want to get our hopes up. When we heard the faint sound of the first Huey we busted our asses to get ready, even though many of us were suffering with severe injuries. This was our last chance to get out of this nightmare and maybe make it home, so we all agreed as a team that first we would “stay frosty,” or be alert and ready for action. Our thoughts were it was better to fight to the death and die with honor than let those assholes kill us by torturing and starving us just because they could.
It took the recovery teams quite a while to get to us due to the battle that took place. I was never so happy and relieved to see American soldiers as I was that afternoon. My legs and back were in rough shape as the burns had become infected. One of the medics from our team would take the maggots outta the food and put them on my skin to try and have them eat out the infection. Talk about fucking with my head. Thank God, I didn’t have much or any feeling in those areas, which meant I didn’t feel those things crawling or eating off of me. By the time we were brought to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, I was outta my mind with a severe infection and a critically dangerous high-grade fever. They immediately took me to the burn unit and the next, shit, not even sure how many months, I went through the debridement and wound care dressing changes daily inthe beginning. They tried everything from surgical and sharp debridement, which removed the dead skin surgically. Next up was the enzymatic debridement, which took weeks to finally see some results. When the specialist finally talked to me it was to explain the damage done to me in the prison camp. My back and thighs took the worst of it, though I did have first and second degree burns on my upper arms and chest. The third-degree burns, or also known as full-thickness burns, damage all three layers of skin. Some of the ones on my back burned down to the underlying tissue, including the fat and muscle. My recovery took me many months to start to function, then almost another year and a half before I was able to take care of myself again. I have meds I can use when it gets to be too rough with the nerve endings that have been destroyed or just the damage and tightening of my skin. I use lotions and oils to keep the skin as pliable as possible, but it’s a never-ending battle day after day and a huge pain in my ass.
Feeling soft hands grasping mine, I try to concentrate. After a few minutes I squeeze the hands holding mine. I hear a gasp then Dottie’s voice loudly telling someone to get the doctors and nurses because I’m starting to wake up. Just hearing that voice gives me the strength to push past the drug fuzzies. When I open my eyes, all I can see are the most stunning golden-brown eyes looking down at me. Her face is strained and I can almost see where tears rolled down her cheeks. Fuck, not that I want her to feel bad but truly can’t remember the last time anyone cried for me. Especially a woman. Gently shaking my head to clear it, I hear Dottie clear her throat and then she leans down a little bit.
“Welcome back, Benji.”
Just those three words, and it hits me, for the first time since I don’t remember when, I feel like someone truly cares for me. Before I can say a word, something catches my peripheral vision. When I look, both Shadow and Spirit are in the corner. Shadowgives me a chin lift but it’s Spirit who is watching me closely, so I return the intense stare. When she sees my eyes watching her, she finally gives me one of her tiny smirks, and at that moment life is worth living again. If only I could keep this feeling, maybe then I could finally enjoy the little things in life that mean the most. Though right now we all need to be diligent as someone out there wants either Dottie, Dani, or both dead, which is not happening on my watch. I’ll die first and take those wanting to hurt them with me so I can protect them both. That is my new mission once I get out of here.
TWELVE
STORM
DOTTIE
Damn, I’m beyond exhausted as I can feel muscles that haven’t been used in a while. It’s been almost two weeks since Benji was released from the clinic. He’s staying in one of the cabins up the road from us. That way both Doc Malcolm and Doc Cora can continue to check up on his recovery. I’ve been afraid to broach the subject of his past injuries, though Doc Malcolm did some intense debridement on his thighs. When the man started moving, he told Doc Malcolm that his thighs didn’t feel so tight or stretched to the limit like before, which I’m assuming is a good thing. Doc also gave him some new ointment and lotion to use once his wounds have closed up.
