We start with small talk about her husband and baby, and I find myself engrossed with her life. The life she could have had with Tahoe if she hadn’t broken it off, right? But it doesn’t take long for her to veer back to our initial conversation.
“Caroline, I broke up with Tahoe because he didn’t…love me. Not like he loves you. The way you’re supposed to love a person you’re meant to be with forever.”
I widen my eyes. “Oh.” It’s the only response I can muster.
She smiles sadly. “It’s obvious how much he loves you. He told me he blew it with you. The whole drunken truck cab incident,” she says, her voice trailing off. She’s embarrassed for him. For me. For having to bring it up. “He thought he’d lost you for good. Do you know whathe told me?”
Sighing, I take a sip of my water. “I’m not sure I want to know,” I reply honestly.
“You do,” she says, eyes twinkling. “That you were too perfect for him.”
I laugh at that. “I’m not even close to perfect,” I muse, mostly for my own benefit. “He sees me in some alien light, I think.” We both make a joke about his obsession with perfection, and it’s easy. She knows him. It’s a strange sensation, but not wholly unwelcome.
“That’s it. That’s what love is. What the real stuff is made of. Seeing through your person.” Her eyes light. “I just want you to know how much you mean to him because I know what it feels like to not mean that much.” Her voice catches. “Your innocence doesn’t play into this.”
“How much did he tell you?” I ask, clearing my throat.
“He took my virginity. It was awful,” she says, a smile playing on her lips.
I choke on a sip of water. “Oh my god!” I laugh.
She snickers. “Don’t worry. He got better at it,” she says. “Wait, that’s awkward. I’m sorry.”
Well, he certainly brushed up on foreplay. I have to squeeze my legs together at the reminder of being naked with him. “I hope so.”
She hides her surprise with a sip of her drink but ignores my admission. “He’s attracted to the opposite of what his life is surrounded with. The death. The destruction. War. Blood. Fighting. Politics. His reprieve is loving, wanting that good inside the untouchable partof his world. He’ll do anything for you. I know he’s going to be the best daddy, too. I wanted you to know that despite any horribly stupid things he might have said and done, the man is worth it. One hundred percent worth it. I wasn’t as lucky as you are, and I need you to know that.”
Tears prick my eyes, because I know she’s right. My dreams are made of Tahoe holding our baby, kissing baby toes, being the kind of brave, strong father that I had growing up.
“There wasn’t any hesitation before, but I have to say thank you for telling me this. Your perspective means everything to me. I’m sure it costs you to be honest like this, and I appreciate it. So much,” I admit, taking her hands in the center of the small table.
She looks down and thumbs my engagement ring. “He did good, girl.”
Wiping at an errant tear, I laugh. “I know. It’s so beautiful.” The ring in question never was a big deal to me. The idea behind it was everything. He chose it for me. An object of his affection he wants me to wear for the rest of my life.
“You’re welcome, Caroline.”
After she finishes her drink, we walk back into the bustling club. Tahoe is pacing next to the booth, the rest of our surly group nowhere in sight. They must have hit the next spot on Malena’s list.
“Are you okay?” Tahoe asks, rushing me. “Everything fine?” he asks Stella when I don’t respond.
“We’re fine, Tyler. We did a little reminiscing,” Stellacalls out over the music.
I’m staring. Because I just found another side of the man I love without knowing it. I’ll never question his love for me again. Not after tonight and the things Stella told me.
“I love you,” I say, throwing myself into his arms. Tentatively I feel his arms close around my body.
“Told you,” Stella croons. “You two enjoy the rest of your night. I’m meeting my husband at the bar across the street, we have a sitter until midnight!”
Tahoe peels me away from his body. “You’re sure you’re okay? I love you, too.”
I nod, happy tears spilling down my face. I hug Stella goodbye, and she leaves, her light blonde hair disappearing into the crowd. I’ll probably never see her again. The woman he didn’t love enough. The one that happened so he could know I was what true love felt like. Does that eat at her like a disease? To be that close to having something spectacular and having it snatched away? I have to believe she’s happy now. With her life and her choices. It’s the only way I can be thankful and not sad.
TWENTY-THREE
Tahoe
Camaraderie and Commitment.The two words in my life that mean the most. To me, they can be exchanged as definitions for one another. Today I gained both in the form of a radiant bride. She’s twirling around the wooden dance floor under the starlight with her father leading. Her smile is huge, and her laughter could be the only music I hear for the rest of my life, and I’d be perfectly content. Her gaze catches mine, and I see more of her teeth. She’s breathtaking in every sense of the word. Her wedding dress is lace and modest, and her face isn’t painted like it was in New York.
