I stay silent, in favor of playing back memories from the past.
“It is Bronze Bay, Tyler Holiday. We keep our tansecrets in the Bay water. Don’t swim here too long. You’ll never be able to scrub the dirt off,” Shirley says, winking at me. “They’re not the type of secrets that wash off with soap.”
“Deep insight, Shirley,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. Looking up at Tahoe, I say, “I’m squeaky clean. Don’t worry about having to hose me off.”
Shirley and Tahoe laugh, like they’re in on some joke.
“Fine,” he says, biting his lip. “I won’t hose you off…right now, but I do want to know which of the men in here are your exes.” His expression grows wary as he surveys the room.
“None of them,” I nearly bark out the words. A few people look our way but pretend they’re not interested in what we’re talking about. “Of course none of them, I mean,” I say, keeping my voice lower.
Shirley confirms my truth. “Why are they all looking at me like they want to kill me then?” Tahoe says it with a smile on his face, gaze bouncing from one Bronze Bay man to the next.
I try to see what he sees, but I can’t make out anything except the normal people who are in my life in some form or another almost every day of my life. “They aren’t jealous because of me,” I reply. “Probably that muscle we were talking about earlier. Muscle envy.”
Tahoe raises his brow and looks between me and Shirley. “She really has no clue, huh?” he asks when his gaze lands on Shirley.
My friend cackles. “She never has and never will. It’s part of her charm.”
“Excuse me. I am standing right here,” I say, trying and failing to pull away from Tahoe’s grasp. “Just because I don’t date around doesn’t mean I’m completely oblivious to…male attention.”
Tahoe clears his throat. “Male attention?” Stifling a laugh, he coughs.
Shirley hits Tahoe on the shoulder. “Show her the ropes,” she says to him. To me, “I expect you to be less oblivious and not hungover during our shift in the morning.” Then she disappears for what I’m sure is the last time tonight. She’ll be afraid of me when I clock in at the diner in the morning.
Tahoe moves us closer to the door, and I can’t let another second pass without telling him. “I’m not naïve. I’ve already told you I don’t have time for a relationship.”
“But you’ll make time for me?” It’s not really a question with the way he’s smiling at me. Like he’s just won the greatest victory in the history of victories.
I roll my eyes. I’m doing this. “Only because you’re good-looking,” I say, lacing my fingers through his.
SEVEN
Tahoe
She changedinto this little white dress as soon as we got back to her place. My mind is trying to decide exactly what to do with that fact. Every time she bends over, even just a little, I almost see her panties. I swallow hard as she leans to grab a book off the coffee table. It’s a book about hurricane hunters. She’s telling me something, and I can tell it’s probably important because of the way her face changes as she explains things like storm reconnaissance and the eye wall, but all I can see is everything that is mine. Caroline agreed to be mine. My girlfriend. I haven’t even kissed her yet. Everything is progressing in the slow kind of way you’d expect in a small town. What does she expect of me? You can bet that the lighting fixture was hung within the first fifteen minutes of me entering, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with things like expectations. Those are tricky things because they vary wildly from one person to the next.
“They’ll be flying out of here this hurricane season.We’re on the gulf, and it’s a perfect location for them,” Caroline says. “I figured it wouldn’t bother you guys much, right?”
In this moment she expects an answer. That’s something that is easy to read.
“Oh, yeah. That’s fine. We’ll stay out of their way. Got something for the hurricane hunters, huh?”
She blushes a little and puts the book down. “They fly into the center of deadly storms. It interests me. I grew up in Florida, remember? We’re in a permanent state of hurricane warning.”
“I do cool shit too, you know?” I say, voice like a petulant child. “Probably even cooler than a hurricane hunter.” I make a note to research more. I think the Air Force reservists fly as hurricane hunters, but I’m not positive.
She offers a warm, soothing smile. “No one said you weren’t cool, Tahoe. Want something to drink? I think I have a bottle of wine in my fridge.”
I don’t need any more alcohol. Lucidity is my friend at the moment. It’s a small thing that will keep me grounded so I don’t make a fool of myself in this fragile moment. She could still change her mind. The window of acceptance is too new. Caroline needs a drink, though. She says things while drinking alcohol she’d never say sober—opens herself in a way that is usually off-limits. I’m leaning against the wall that separates the kitchen and bedroom. “I’ll get the wine. Put on some music,” I order.
Caroline steps away from me slowly, keeping her face neutral. Rounding the table, I step into the kitchen, take a deep breath, and remind myself I wanted this. A girlfriend. Caroline. A new life. Something different. I need this change. I repeat these things over and over whileI open her refrigerator to get the wine. The uneasiness stems from my absolute fuck-all knowledge on how to navigate a relationship after years of shunning them—abhorring everything they represent.
Stella barely counts because that ended badly. So, am I correct to think I didn’t do that right? Up until this point I’ve done everything to the best of my ability with regard to my career. So much so, that anything else in my life suffered. This might be the first time in my life I have the time to succeed in something other than running and gunning.
Some of my best friends are settled down and married. Smith has Carina, and Macs has Teala. Ben has Harper, and those men are my brothers—SEALs I respect and men who I look up to. Surely if they can manage to have a significant other and not accidentally shoot each other, I can manage Caroline and…skydiving with a side of boring meetings.
I grab the half-gone bottle of chardonnay from the door and find a wine glass in the cabinet above the stove. I pour the rest of the contents into it and toss the bottle into the recycling bin.
