“Fine. If you don’t want me at the house, I can respect your space. But…” She glances down at the tray. “How have you been sleeping? Eating?” Her hand brushes the side of my face softly and I close my eyes.
Honestly, I can’t really remember the last time I ate a full meal. I’ve been surviving off coffees and quick bites I get at work on the fly. As someone who loves cooking, I haven’t been able to…relaxenough to indulge in it.
I pinch my eyes shut. So many questions. Not enough good answers.
My silence has Gwen stirring beside me. I can feel her worry from here and it’s making my gut twist.
“What about Elijah? Have you been talking to him?”
I shake my head. “He’s busy with school and his friends there. He’s doing so well.” The last thing I need is Elijah dropping everything important to him to come take care of me. He has so much going for him right now.
Gwen shakes her head. “Maybe I should call him—”
My eyebrows shoot up, panic rushing through me as I reach for her. “No!” I basically shout. “No. I don’t want to worry him.” I plead, squeezing her hand.
Gwen’s eyes study my face for a moment. After a beat, she pats me on the hand before letting go to get up off the couch. I immediately feel the coldness she leaves behind. I want her to come back.
Dammit. I hate feeling alone.
I’m always alone—
I hear her rummaging in the kitchen, and thankfully, she soon returns. This time, she sits back down, laying a pen and notepad on my lap.
“If you don’t want to talk to one of us. Fine. But maybe you can write it out.”
I arch my eyebrow and look back at her. “Write what?”
She shrugs. “Write out what you need support with. Maybe if you can name it, we can tackle it together. One by one.”
I look away. “It’s more complicated than that.”
She doesn’t understand that there’s little anyone can help me with.
“Try me.” She smiles, moving the pen and paper closer. She stands up, heading back to the kitchen. “I’m going to clean up. Now, write it down and eat your breakfast.” She winks.
I give her a soft smile and look down at the paper.
Grabbing the pen, I stare at the lined sheet for what seems like forever.
Scrounging up as much courage as I can, I write down the first thing that comes to mind.
Tell Elijah the truth
As soon as it leaves the pen, I feel anxiety tightening its hold around my ribcage. I grab a hold of my necklace on my chest, feeling the weight of it grip my insides. I promised Jude I’d take care of Elijah. Hell, I promised Elijah I’d never leave him worried, scared or broken.
How’s he going to feel when I tell him I flat out lied to him? Lied to the cops. Protected my horrible, piece of shitfather? Derrick is right…I’ll lose him. I’ll lose theoneperson I can’t live without.
I scratch out what I wrote, rip the paper from the notepad and crumple it up in a ball before throwing it across the room.
No. Losing Elijah is not an option.
I move the notebook off my lap and grab the tray of food instead. This—this I can do. Food won’t destroy what’s left of my life.
***
“Earth to Tobias.” Claire snaps her fingers in front of my eyes, drawing me back to the present moment.
All the guests have left and we’re almost finished up closing the restaurant for the night. Claire sits beside me rolling cutlery at the bar while I look through the inventory stock papers. I guess at some point I completely zoned out.
