Main Street has been decorated with twinkly lights in the trees that line the sidewalk, people are bustling in and out of the stores, getting ready for the holidays.
It kind of sucks we can’t go to the lake house for Christmas, but I try to stifle that thought for now. Just being here with Elijah is enough for me. I don’t want to think about the fire right now.
We walk around town for a while, listening to the faint sounds of Christmas music playing from the storefronts. I’m so happy Elijah is with me to see it.
“This will be our firstrealChristmas together.” I say softly.
“Yeah, last year was kind of a blur, wasn’t it?” He sighs.
Last year, we had lost Jude and the holidays sort of passed by. This year… despite everything we just went through, I’m thinking we’re going to remember it a little better.
“I want this Christmas to be better. I want the next year…to bebetter.” Elijah begins.
“Oh? Should I be scared?” I tease, bringing my cup to my lips.
“Not at all.” He smiles, kissing the back of my hand. “I love you, and I love being with you. But at some point, we’re going to have to return back to life and…well, I want to make sure I do a better job this time. At loving you the way you need to feel loved,” he says, glancing over at me.
My eyebrow arches, not sure what he means by that. “E. You’re perfect.”
“I could be better. What’s a relationship if you’re not constantly growing together, right?” He squeezes my hand.
My eyebrows pinch but I nod. He’s right.
We end up walking to my favorite park, now dusted with snow. The river running through it has frozen over and is now alive with skaters. We settle on a bench atop a hill, watching people below glide hand in hand or play on the ice, their laughter carrying up to us.
I can sense something is on Elijah’s mind, but I wait patiently, so he doesn’t feel pressured.
“This is my first relationship, T.” He swallows deeply, looking down at his cup. “I don’t want to let you down.”
My head snaps in his direction.That’swhat he’s thinking?
“Are youkidding?You could never.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Elijah actually has insecurities of being a good partner? I’m shocked beyond belief. “How can I make you realize how good you are to me?”
Elijah’s eyes widen, like he wasn’t expecting me to ask. “Well, uh…it’s funny that you’d say that. Because I’ve been thinking about how it’d be nice to know what makes you feel safe with me. So I could do it or keep doing it, you know?”
I smile softly, shifting my body to look at him better. “Yeah, okay.” I think about that for a moment. I feel my cheeks redden, since I guess I’ve never really thought about it before and it’s a little vulnerable to really say it out loud. But, this isElijah. My Elijah.And he’s really wanting me to open up to him…so it’s worth trying.
I lick my lips, searching for the right words. “It makes me feel safe…when you text me. I like updates when we’re not around each other. What you’re doing. What you’re eating. I like knowing. It makes me feel close to you.” I shrug.
A small smile tugs at Elijah’s lips. “Yeah, okay. I can do that. What else?” He asks, planting his hand on my lap.
His encouragement helping, I fiddle with his fingers in mine. “I guess I really like it when you hug me fully. Like, when you lay completely on my body. It weighs me down and it feels really good.”
With a playful smirk on his lips, he squints at me. “Naked or not naked?”
“I’ll take it all but I guess I prefer it when we’re both naked.” I laugh.
“Okay, I can do that.” He chuckles, squeezing my hand. “This is good. Really good. Thank you, T.” He sighs lovingly.
I stroke his hair softly, loving the way his waves fall on his face under his blue toque. “It’s your turn.” I say softly.
His eyebrows raise as his eyes sparkle. “Really?”
“Of course. I want to be good for you too.” I nod.
Elijah bites his bottom lip before leaning in to lay a soft kiss on my lips, warming me up more than the hot coffee in my hand. “You’realwaysgood to me,” he says quietly, leaning back. “But…I guess, if there’s anything…” He looks down at our linked hands and squeezes gently.
“Tell me,please.” I urge him, nudging him on his knee with mine.
