I smile, wrapping my arm around his waist as he trudges along slowly. “Anything you want. Always.”
***
A couple days later, when it’s time to take him home, I’m more than nervous.
I run the palms of my hands down my pants, trying to dry off the clamminess.
I stand back and watch Tobias pack his bag with meds, trauma counseling brochures, and the few boxers and toothbrush Gwen brought him.
It’s nice seeing him out of his gown. I walk over to him and slip on his grey toque, sliding down his blonde hair against his face.
He smiles at me as I tuck it down snuggly on his head.
“Are you nervous about going home?” I ask, sucking in a deep breath.
Tobias’s eyes go wide as he looks away, thinking about his answer. “You know…I’m excited to see what it’s like to live without…feeling scared of what’s around the corner. What does that feel like?”
I give him a soft smile as I run my hand down his chest hidden under his baggy black sweater, before he throws on his winter jacket on top. “I’m excited for you to find out too.”
“Areyounervous?” The side of his mouth quirks up as he brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear.
I suck in a big breath as I prepare myself. “Tobias…I’m not going back to school. I mean, I am…but I’m taking it online. I’ve already got everything figured out and…I need you to let me stay. I can’t stay away from you. I won’t do it.” I squeeze his jacket, as I pinch my eyes shut, quietly praying he understands.
“E,” he gasps, grabbing my arms. I hold my breath, trying to prepare myself. I don’t want to fight him on this, but I will if I have to. He grabs me, pulling me against his chest. “Fuck, that’s the best news I’ve gotten all week…besides getting to go home with you, of course.”
My eyes widen. “Seriously!?”
Tobias rocks me side to side, his hands moving up and down my back. “E, not having you near me was excruciating. I…I can’t do it.” He straightens, meeting my eyes. “If you’re serious about being able to do school online…” He exhales. “I’mdonelying—to you and to myself. I want you home, E. I want you home with me.”
The weight on my chest lifts all at once. I dive in, burying my face in his warm neck. “I can’t imagine being away from you. Especially after everything—but even before that. I never want to be away from you again.” I hug him tighter, then feel him tense. “Sorry,” I whisper.
He relaxes and gives me a slight chuckle. “It’s okay. Squeeze me all you want. Don’t ever stop.”
“Just you wait. When you’re all healed up, you’re going to wish you didn’t say that.”
“Hold me to it, I dare you.” He laughs, squeezing my shoulders. His eyes soften as he sighs sweetly. “I don’t think I could’ve survived all these years without you, E. You’ve saved me so many times.”
I grab him again, burying my face in my favorite spot. I breathe in the scent of his hair and tremble at how badly I never want to let go. “You’re so stuck with me, it’s not even funny.”
He shrugs, “You promise?” he asks, tilting my chin up before planting a soft kiss on my lips.
“I promise,” I whisper, chasing him back for more. After taking a few moments of kissing his soft lips, I pull back. Taking his hand, I guide him toward the door. “Come on, let me take you home.”
For the first time in a long time, we’re not running from something.
And maybe I don’t know what we have in store for what’s to come next.
But all I know for sure, is that we’re walking toward it —together.
December
44
Tobias
I didn’t realize how off I’d feel, stepping back into our house.
I watch as Elijah steps inside, slinging his duffel bag in the entry way before starting to strip off his coat to hang up. The lights are off and the house seems dark.
