Angel: Are you coming to the xmas party? I’d really like to see you
I clench my fist around my phone. We had planned that together a few months ago.
With the anniversary of dads passing coming up, I want nothing more than to be with him during this time. He’s the only person who understands. He’s where I feel the safest when all I want is to crumble.
Fuck, this is all so damn stupid.
I pull my hood over my head and push through the campus, music blasting to drown out my thoughts. Every beat fights the voices in my head:He doesn’t trust you. You left him. You failed him.
Now Tobias is alone. Struggling with his dad. Upset and probably feeling scared.
I would’ve been there for him,through all of this,if he had justletme.
But, it had to beGabe.
Thinking about it angers me all over again. It’s a constant loop replaying in my mind that doesn’t stop.
My boots crunch through the wet snow on the ground as I head into the art building.
The air is cold in my lungs but the warmth in the hallways heats me up instantly.
“Ah, there you are.” Flux smiles, writing something on the board. “I was wondering where you had escaped to last weekend.”
I shake my head, unzipping my hoodie and sitting in my usual seat. “Nowhere important,” I answer.
She looks over her shoulder at me, wary of my attitude.
I don’t mean to give it to her. This is why I tried to focus on being alone this weekend in my dorm. I just needed space. Time to…let out all my frustration.
Even though I know inside that as long as Tobias and I aren’t speaking, I’ll remain frustrated.
I mean, who’s fault would that be anyway?
I shake my head, trying to rid my mind of these repeating thoughts. “What can I help you with?” Taking out my notebook and pen.
Flux drops her whiteboard marker and heads over to me, sitting in the seat next to me.
“Talk to me,” she urges.
I look at her, shocked. “About what?”
She looks all over my face, as though she can see right through me. “You’re upset.”
“It’s that obvious?” I huff out a laugh, twiddling my pen in between my fingers.
“Yes.” She holds in a laugh. “But, also,” her voice steadies as she tilts her head. “I noticed there haven’t been any new additions to your project.”
My tight smile drops from my face. Yeah, it’s a little hard to work on a piece like that when I’m so upset. I bite my lower lip, tapping my pen on paper. “Yeah…”
Flux sighs, throwing her hair over her one shoulder. “Listen, I haven’t struggled with relationship problems in a long time… but I remember what they feel like as if it were yesterday.”
I try my hardest to force down the lump rising in my throat. I’m not too sure if anyone would really understand the position I’m in with Tobias.
“Did you and your husband ever…keep secrets from one another?” I swallow thickly.
She takes a moment to think about that. “We were together for sixteen years. I wouldn’t say we held big secrets, like infidelity, no.” She shakes her head. “But…yeah, I guess it’s normal to keep something from someone sometimes if it means keeping their feelings unharmed. Or, keeping them safe.” She shrugs plainly.
I pinch my eyebrows together. “Yeah…” I guess. I let out a deep breath. “I guess that’s not even really the problem, if I’m being honest.”
