“Don’t you dare do that.” I clench my jaw. “Iwanted tostay, remember?” He looks away, but I move into his line of sight again. “I wanted to stay andyoubeggedme to go. You remember that?”
“It was for the best.” Tobias says softly.
“So why bring it up now? Why are you using that as ammo to shut me out? What’d I do to deserve that, huh?” I curl my hands around his jacket, fisting it so hard, I’m scared I’m going to rip through it.
He swallows deeply, looking like he may cry. Well, fuck. I might too.
“I…” His mouth opens and closes, panic written all over his face. It hurts me to see him like this, but I need to know. I wait silently as he forms the courage to say what he needs to say.
“Say it.” I plead. “Please.” I whisper.
He pinches his eyes shut. “I lied to you. About Derrick,” he says quietly.
I’m completely speechless as I try to piece it together.
“What did you lie about?” My hands shakily let go of his coat.
“I saw him. A few months ago when I told you I didn’t. I lied.” Tobias sucks in a big breath, as though it’s physically been weighing on his chest. “I was scared. Scared he wouldn’t leave us alone. Scared he’d hurt you. Hurtus.” He shakes his head like what’s coming next will be too hard to say. “I gave him money. And clothes.”
“Tobias,” I breathe out, because it’s the only thing I can say.
His eyebrows pinch together as he leans his forehead on my chest. “I know. I hated keeping it from you but…I didn’t want to put that on you. I wanted to deal with it on my own. I thought I could handle it—”
“Andthisis you handling it?” I look down at the water cup.
It’s all making sense. Tobias never fucking drinks.
He fists my shirt, trying to get close again, but I take a step back. “Elijah, I’m trying.” He cries.
“Weliedto the cops, T. That’s so fucked up,” I say out loud.
A small murmur escapes Tobias’s lips as he pushes his hair out of his face. “Everything happened so quickly. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get in trouble.”
“But instead of talking to me about it, you pretended like everything was perfectly fine. You kept me in the dark for what reason?”
Tobias shakes his head, his mouth opening and closing as his bloodshot eyes dart from left to right, struggling to think of an answer.
I blink slowly, taking that as much as an answer as I need. The pain of him seeking comfort in someone else is too much. And as much as I hate to admit it, that's the part that hurts the most.
“You know what? I think you wanted to keep it from me because youknewI’d be there for you.” I say it before I can stop myself. But now that it’s out, I can’t stop it. “You push people away because on some level, you like being alone. Youenjoyfeeling unsafe. It’s like you’recomfortablewith it or something. You’repunishingyourself.”
“What? No—”
“I just never thought you’d pushmeaway. I thought…what we have is stronger than all of that.”
Tobias sucks in a breath, quickly reaching out to touch my face. I hold his wrist, not allowing him to touch me. Which hurts me more than I ever thought it would.
“And you trustedGabe. Out of all fucking people.” I huff out a laugh, even though none of this is funny. Not funny at all.
Tobias’s mouth drops open. “No, E. Trust me—”
“How?” My eyes search his face, desperate for something that makes sense. “No, seriously—how?Because,I’vealways been open with you. Yet, youstillshut me out.” I shake my head, angry tearsburning at the corners of my eyes, held back by sheer force. “You did it in high school, and you’re doing it now. You build this little box around yourself, and somehowI’malways the one stuck on the outside.”
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he says, his voice barely over a whisper.
The sound of his cracked voice breaks my heart. More than it already is.
Tobias’s hand raises to his heart, and I see him grip his necklace. The chain that holds the ring thatIgave him. The promise we shared last winter feels so small now.
