My eyes flutter shut as a flush washes over me.No matter what I do, I can’t shake how much he affects me.With Lucky here, I thought … but it hasn’t changed a thing.My heart still beats faster when Sterling is close.When he says my name.When he touches me.
All of it will be gone once I leave.
He can forget his no-hugging rule; I won’t get a chance after tomorrow.I throw my arms around his neck, crushing us together.After a deep inhale, he brings his own around my back, pressing me tighter to him.
“Sterling,” I whisper, my heart beating wild in my chest.Surely, he can feel it.Surely, he knows what he means to me.“There’s something I should tell you.”
* * *
Will you …
confess your feelings?(go to 48)
say nothing?(go to 52)
go back(go to 26)
Lucky’s apartment is exactly what I expected when compared to the little I knew of him—a little thrown together, a lot cozy, and an overabundance of everything.This is no “starving artist.”This is a very successful musician.
A pile of laundry sits, folded, on the couch.A large television dominates one wall, next to a stack of vinyl records, the player hung vertically beside three platinum records.An acoustic guitar is propped up against the coffee table next to a navy sweatshirt, and two electrics sit on stands in the corner.Music sheets litter every surface.
The kitchen is open and bright, separated from the living room by a thick pillar.It’s well stocked and gleaming.It’s hopeful and hearty, exactly like the man who lives here.Exactly like Alice’s oversaturated studio or my parents’ nautical themed living room.
I don’t really know where to put my stuff, not that there’s much of it.Maybe that’s better; everything has a place here, and right now, I’m not even sure where I’m supposed to be, let alone where my extra chargers and hair ties should go.
I shift the phone to my other ear.“I don’t know, Ma.I guess I’m torn.I’m grateful to Lucky for letting me stay, but maybe it’s time to be more realistic about my future.Just because I’ve been dreaming about Chance for years doesn’t mean I belong here.”
“Of course you belong there,” Ma assures me.“You’ve always known that.”
Sure, but that was before I lived here.
“Don’t let a setback put you off course,” Pa calls out before Ma shushes him.
“I won’t,” I groan into my tea.I certainly don’twantto.
The mug is faded, the camp logo half gone now, and there’s a crack in the handle that always reminds me of counting lightning strikes when storms hit my uncle’s farm.
“I’m thinking of visiting soon.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Ma says.
She’s right, but I want to anyway.
“I miss you.”It’s easy to admit.I always miss them; I don’t ever want to be too old to stop.I am glad that Lucky is out, playing a set at a club right now.“Why don’t I come spend a few days there for your birthday?”
It’s a few months away.I’ll either have my life together again or I’ll be buying a one-way ticket.
“Come whenever you want; we’ll always be here for you.”
I know, and it’s high time I started being here for myself.
* * *
Lucky stumbles in at two a.m., shirtless, his jeans slung low enough on his hips that I’m impressed with their stamina.
“Wasn’t expecting you to be up,” he says.
“That makes two of us.But I decided what I’m going to do next, and once I started writing it down, I couldn’t stop.Next thing I know, you’re here.”
