I expected Sterling to leave as swiftly and mysteriously as he’d arrived, but he hasn’t.Though he never wishes to explain why, he stays.
I hoped it was for me—a silly ember of hope that was extinguished when I found that I’d be traveling to Chance alone.
Once the weapons are stored, there is nothing left to do but prepare for today’s introductions.I may be bound by duty and circumstance, but that does not mean I need to go easily.
“I’ll miss you.”My admission lands feather soft in the silence.Delicate.Fragile.“Everything I’ve read tells me I should be happy there, but I can’t imagine it.Who will train with me and tell me when I’m dragging my feet?Who will find me when I sneak into the orchards at night and sit with me as I count stars?”What kind of marriage can I have if half of my heart remains here?
“You’re easy to love, Mia; you will not find yourself alone for long.Despite his”—he pauses—“relaxed manner, the prince is a good man.You have nothing to fear from him.”
“I’d feel less lost if you were with me.”
Sterling shakes his head.“You know I can’t.”
I sigh.
Anytime I think there’s something between us, something personal, something deeper than heir and guard, mentor and friend, he retreats.Perhaps leaving is the right thing.I’m not sure how much more of this I can withstand.
Better to face the unknown than the pain I’m slowly conflating with love.
“You can’t, you can’t—that’s all you will tell me.I don’t understand it.Make me understand it, please.”
Disapproval creases his brows, drags his frown lower.“Your brother is waiting.”
I stay Sterling with a hand on his arm.“So, he won’t mind waiting a little longer.”
“Mia,” he says, his tone as sharp as the dagger hidden at his side, “he isn’t the only one waiting.”
I huff.I hardly need him to remind me.
“Sterling,” I plead, and the rare use of his given name melts his reserve—a trick I learned quickly.“There’s something … if I’m going to go through with this, let us part honestly.Ever since we met, I’ve grown to care for you, as a friend, but also as more?—”
He cuts me off with a command.“Mia, don’t.”His fists are clenched at his sides.The muscles beneath his beard shift like water in a stream.The crack in his calm facade is hardly a consolation.
I wait, but he says nothing more.
He always does this.Silence.Vagaries.He’s impossible.Getting to know him has been a fight, and don’t get me started on his past.The reasons for his move are vague, as are the details on his life before Ferntree.
How am I ever meant to know of anything of the world when he and Louis conspire to keep it hidden from me?Anything of him?
“It seems I am alone after all.I knew I would be once I left on the prince’s arm, my name signed over to his, but I thought I had at least one ally left.Hoped it so.”
“You don’t know how hard this is for me?—”
“No, you do not know.”I push a finger into his chest, my traitorous heart spinning at the feel of hard muscle beneath cloth.
“You say you care, but you always stop me before I say … before I can tell you …” I shake my head.I thought if we were anything, we were friends.But now, I’m not so sure.“You promise protection but refuse to stay by my side when I need you the most.”My voice breaks as tears flood my eyes, and I hate how young I feel, as lost and naive as I’m accused of.
“Mia, please …”
“No.”I can’t be here anymore; it’s too painful.“Excuse me, I need to meet my future husband.”
I storm off before he can stop me.
* * *
Louis opens the study door with his mouth in a hard, flat line.“You’re late.”
I meet his stare with my own.Who cares?There’s no getting out of this arrangement, whether it happens now or later.No changing the fate that I agreed to—agreed because I had the childish expectation that my friend, the one who had sworn to protect me, would be by my side.
