Well, now I’m offended.
Ivy stands between my knees, her hands on her hips, resolute in her frustration. “Why do I get the feeling you’re using this little arrangement as a buffer and a distraction instead of doing what you moved back here for?” Her brow raises. “What the hell happened between you two?”
I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell her.
I wasn’t always a smart man. After the split, Mum tried to make up for the distance by giving me an allowance. Combined with the prestigious university Deacon had arranged my entry to, I was well on my way to being a right bastard.
“I met Kat when I was twenty. Friend of a friend of a friend, that sort of thing. I was gone on her, but she needed to play it cool, said her dad could never find out. That I needed to pay for all the fancy gifts and dinners she wanted because he checked her spending. Well, I didn’t care, did I? Just handed my card over and followed her lead. All the way to Belgium, where her boyfriend found us.” I can still remember the ice-cold punch of realization. “Turns out it wasn’t her father we were hiding from, but her boyfriend. I thought,hey, it’s shit luck, but she’ll tell him it’s over, and that’ll be that.”
Ivy must already sense where I’m headed as she moves closer, curling her hand around my arm.
I haven’t admitted this to anyone other than my brother. “But I was the one with the wool over my eyes. She never saw me as anything other than a bank account.”
“What did you do?”
All the wrong things. “Yelled a lot. Her boyfriend started a fight; I finished it. But since his father was a diplomat, I was the only one arrested.” The night went from bad to worse as I watched them take my passport. “I called the only person I trusted, and Reed arranged to get me back to London, but only after he’d spent an hour telling me what a bellend I’d become.”
After that, I was only granted enough money to get by. “Until you get your head out of your arse and start acting like an adult.”
He wasn’t wrong, but it hurt to hear, and in that moment, he went from brother to parent. “After that, I ditched the partying, ditched the Eton rejects, and sorted myself out. Moved in with Manny after I graduated, and the rest carried on from there.”
I’m not expecting Ivy to look so hard done by, the lines of her mouth pinched and cross. “But that’s ridiculous. He shouldn’t hold one mistake against you for the rest of your life.”
“It was a very expensive mistake.”
“And what? Nothing you’ve done since matters? Everyone is reckless in their twenties.” Christ, her anger is rewarding.
“Were you?” If so, I want every detail.
“No, but we’re not talking about me.”
Oh, but I’d like to.
She shifts, glaring at the exit and looking all too ready to storm off in search of my brother to give him a piece of her mind. I bite back the smile tugging at my lips.
“You made a mistake,” she huffs, eyes blazing. “A big one, sure, but no one got hurt, and you learned from it.”
It sends my heart down a familiar detour of gratitude. She’s proof I’ve done one thing right, at least, but I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t turn a blind eye to my mistakes. “I hurt myself, and things with Reed have never been the same. If I could take it back?—”
She interrupts me by knocking my foot with hers, and fuck, I think she might try to fight me. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. “Yeah, well, you can’t, but you can stand up for yourself and fix things.”
That’s it. I give in to the urge and pull her back into my lap, stopping short of showing her exactly how much I want to devour her but giving in to the need to hold her. Much better. “You’re incredibly sexy. Do you know that?”
She fights it for a moment but can’t stop the smile tugging at her lips. “You’ve mentioned it.”
“And wise,” I add, kissing her cheek.
She lets out a soft snort that ghosts my lips. “I actually embarrassed myself a lot in senior year.”
“I can’t imagine it.”
“Then you’re not thinking hard enough,” she laughs, playfully pushing me away and, even more regrettably, sliding off my lap. I make do with throwing one arm around her shoulders while she reaches forward for the remote.
It turns out I’ve been living for the moment for far too long, because I’m unprepared for how viscerally I can imagine a future with her, one where she inhabits as much of this apartment as she does my mind. All of it.
I need her humming when she’s deep in thought, keeping me company while I work. I need her filling my kitchen with her cooking the same way she fills my life with a spark I haven’t felt for years. I need her phenomenal body within reach every day and night if I have any hope of satisfying my craving for her.
“Thank you for the rent,” she finally says. “I know you’re not obligated to help me, considering this relationship isn’t real.”
