GRASPING FOR SOMETHING OUT OF REACH
IVY
Lincoln and Darcy catch up with us along the water. The plane is refueling, apparently, and they’ve elected to wait here rather than at the airstrip.
Darcy pulls Astrid into a hushed conversation a few shops away, their hands clasped around matching teas, and I finally get to steal a moment to have Lincoln to myself.
Aware that they can still see us, I slip my hand in his. “Did you have fun?”
Lincoln catches me around the waist and pulls me in until I can smell his soapy cleanness under the brisk air. God damn, does he smell good. “I am now.” I soak in the comforting quiet he provides.
His hair has been knocked loose by the breeze, tumbling over his forehead like a dashing hero. “I’m sorry today didn’t turn out as we’d hoped,” he says.
“I’m not. It’s been great.” Sure, I’d hoped for more. No one has ever done anything remotely romantic for me, so it’s no surprise my heart swan-dived when we arrived at the airport earlier. But I think I understand now.
Family isn’t always easy, and if I can help him bridge the obvious gap between them, I’m happy to do it.
A slight turn of my head shows Astrid watching us with a smile. I hug him a little tighter. “You plan a good date, Lincoln Filbert Reeves.”
He chuckles into my hair. “Nice try.”
The lookout we’re on frames the city in a distant ode, like the backdrop of a faraway dream. My real life feels like a memory. I wonder if that’s why Lincoln brought me here.
I take a deep breath of fresh air. “All this for some paintbrushes, huh? I knew I was in the wrong business. I guess it makes sense now that your mom fell for a painter.”
He breathes out a hum, or maybe it’s a sigh. Either way, it rumbles through his chest and makes me flush.
It’s a really beautiful day, the spring air full of promise. The water lays still across the bay, as calm as the man holding me, a far cry from the riot I can feel in my chest.
“I was fighting with my mom when you found me earlier.” I keep my eyes on the horizon, the buzz of the airfield, the trees in the distance. “She wants me to be someone I’m not.” I wish she was easier to talk to. “But I didn’t grow up knowing I was going to publish a noteworthy thesis on pigmentation bias in squids like Ciara. All I cared about was convincing my high school drama teacher to stageChicagobecause I’d spent all summer learning ‘Cell Block Tango,’ or whether I could pull off Uggs and a miniskirt.”
Ciara has everything Mom wants for us — success in her field, a loving husband, a family. It’s a lot to live up to. “She was so happy when I was offered the job at Helix, and I thoughtI’ve finally done something to make Mom proud. I wish she could trust that I can make my own choices.”
Lincoln rubs my back, his fingers drawing up and down my spine in a soothing distraction. For a fake boyfriend, he’s really good at this. “Do you have that trust in yourself?”
Heat stings my eyes. How does he always know where to find my soft spots?
“May I offer a suggestion?” he asks.
Please.Maybe I shouldn’t be so eager for his opinion, but also, why the hell shouldn’t I? The guy has lived all over the world and had a first-class education. Even if we were raised as opposite as two people can be, I’m not gonna turn away a suggestion.
I mean, I’ve liked everything he’s done with me so far.
“Sure, hit me with it.”
“It’s okay to feel this way, to not know what comes next, to stumble through until you find your way. You aren’t doing it alone.” My head hits his chest with a soft thump, my tears spilling over while Lincoln rubs my back. “You haven’t failed anyone, and you certainly don’t need anyone’s permission.”
Yes, I have. Tears sting my eyes. Is it really so hard for me to believe?
Yes.
“How do you always know exactly what to say?”
He pulls back, cupping my face and raising it until our eyes meet. “You could say I’ve had a lot of practice.”
I rest my chin on his chest, looking up at him. “I’m the older sister. It was supposed to be me who had her shit together first, me who set the example.” Instead, I’m two steps behind. “There’s so much I haven’t done yet.”
“Such as?”
