When he hands me the mug, I can’t help a wince. His knuckles are red and raw. “First time punching anyone?” I guess.
His cup wiggles dangerously in his nondominant hand as he takes the seat opposite me. “And the last, hopefully. It’s bloody painful.”
I cup my hands around the mug, warming them while I decide where to start.
Reed beats me to it. “So,” he starts, stretching the word out as he stares into his tea. “Erotica.” Ignoring the fact that I will now live the rest of my life with the memory of my brother saying that, I nod. He levels a shrewd look over the rim of his mug. “I knew letting you have your David Hume phase at sixteen was going to bite me in the arse one day.”
Christ, he’s definitely drunk if he’s making a joke right now.
“You could have told me,” he adds quietly.
“Could I?” I challenge.
Reed crosses one leg over the other, brushes lint off his knee. “You really expected me to think less of you for it? That I give a toss about impressing those twats? I don’t. For fuck’s sake, Kyle’s the one who tried to access the trust.”
I sit forward. “You knew? You could have fucking told me.” Would have saved me a lot of stress. At this rate, the tally of what we haven’t told each other could rival a Hugo treatise on the Parisian sewer system.
“There was nothing to tell. Security handled it, and even if he had gotten in, he would have discovered there’s no trust left.”
That shocks me awake. “Excuse me?”
More casual than he’s ever been, Reed shrugs a shoulder, like this is old news. Like I shouldn’t be worried, because he isn’t, and yes, I suppose if Reed— the chancellor of overthinking— isn’t panicked at this fact, then I’m definitely missing the bigger picture, and I must be, because he looks as far from worried as anyone could be.
In fact, he looks proud.
“After the shit show of a fight we suffered over the estate, I wanted us to be free of them. I invested a small amount in the business and then donated the rest. Why do you think I’m working so hard?” There’s a weighted pause, one that sucks any humor out of the room. “Or did you have so little faith in me that you thought I’d become worse than Deacon?”
The hit lands, and Reed’s usually do. “How the hell was I supposed to know any of that? The only times I ever see you are when you’re hauling me into your office to slap my wrist.”
I’m expecting him to get mad. That’s how this usually goes. I yell, he yells, we stop talking for a year to cool off. Clearly, I’m not the only one exhausted with that game, because Reed sets his cup down and sighs. “Because it’s the only way I ever get to see you anymore.”
“Well, fuck.” I blow out a long breath, scrubbing at my face with both hands.
It’s no coincidence I knew where to find Reed. He’s probably spent more time in this room over the years than he has in his own bed. I always lost him to this room when we came here, but it wasn’t until that night in Bruges that it hit me: I might never get him back.
It remains our biggest fight. Also, our longest, if you count the preceding years.
It would be nice to retire it.
He rubs his fingers under his eyes, hissing when it strains his hurt hand. There are bags under his eyes. I knew he wasn’t sleeping, but it looks much more like the regret I’ve seen in my own reflection. “When you called me for bail, I almost had a heart attack. Started thinking I’d never see you again?—”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I say.
“Well, what was I supposed to think? I couldn’t do anything from half a world away. I should’ve been there. Maybe then you wouldn’t have?—”
“Become such an asshole?” I offer, but there’s no heat behind it. Not anymore.
“Are you going to finish all my sentences?” He sighs. “I reacted poorly. I never meant… I was trying to protect you, but if I’d known you’d cut me out of your life, I would have handled it differently.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “You were right to be worried.” Tonight’s the night for honesty, it seems. “I was a prick back then. Couldn’t tell my arse from my elbow, but what I needed from you,” I stop. “What I needed was a brother, not a warden.”
Reed nods slowly, giving me a small smile that feels like a good first step. “I can do that.”
“Good. Now pull out that bottle of whiskey I know is hiding in here and pour me a real drink.”
CHAPTER54
I LIKE A LITTLE CHAOS IN MY CALM
