It wasn’t for lack of trying, though.KC wasn’t subtle about the veiled jokes she had given Hannah about our relationship.It reminded me of the way Audrey’s ex-husband had been.
And yes, he was a douche canoe of epic proportions (the size of which I’m sure would even impress Smug Sam), but at this rate, I had to wonder if I wasn’t the common denominator.No matter how much I’d love to call everyone assholes and move on, I knew that wasn’t fair.
I was a lot to take.I knew that.And I had no intentions of changing myself to fit in with how other people thought I “should” be.
But that didn’t lessen the sting.
“You know, KC thinks you’re putting this dinner off on purpose because you’re scared to meet my parents.”
Yeah, well, KC is a jerk (was what I absolutely didn’t say).
“Absolutely not.I’m looking forward to meeting them.”And I was.Hannah wanted this, and I wanted to make her happy.
“It’s just … I know you haven’t taken that step before because you’ve been afraid of a commitment,” I bit my lip and said nothing (although I wanted nothing more than to tell her the million reasons that wasn’t true), “but that’s why it’s so important to do this.Then, maybe you’ll see that it’s not that big of a deal.”
It sounded to me like she was trying to convince herself, but I knew now wasn’t the time to question it.If we were talking in person it would be better; I could read her expression clearer.And the last thing I wanted was to give KC any further ammunition.I couldn’t tell if it was platonic jealousy or something more, but that woman apparently knew all the right ways to dig her nose into our relationship, so it was best if I put a pin in my concerns for now.
“I know,” I said finally, and maybe I should have felt worse about misrepresenting myself, but sometimes you just have to pick your moments, you know?Plus, I was brain tired after that morning’s run-in.“I promise you I’ll be there.I better go.Audrey should be here soon.Have fun with KC.”
There was always a beat as we said goodbye, a hanging silence.Neither of us had said the “L” word yet, and I was fairly sure I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t feeling it yet.Despite Hannah’s insistence to meet her parents, she was just as content to maintain the status quo in our relationship.
To be honest, I was caught most days between being glad to keep things as they were and wondering whether I shouldn’t be feeling something more by now.I liked Hannah; she was beautiful, smart, artistic, strong-willed.She always smelled of rose and cherry and trembled so fucking delicately when she came.
But it wasn’t love.
And I was starting to wonder if it ever would be.
And if it wasn’t, then how much longer would we last?
We hadn’t really discussed the future beyond our short term plans.I knew she was working hard to get a curator job, and while I was settled into my life at the bar, I hadn’t really considered what would come next.Long-term was not really my jam unless you counted my rainy day fund.Hannah had questioned me on it a few times, wondering, “Why save all that money and not have a plan for it?”
My answer, “because I don’t know what I want to do with it yet,” hadn’t really satisfied her.
Our phone call had unsettled me, and it was still sitting badly with me when Audrey’s knock came.
I raced to open the door, relieved to see a friendly face, and I smiled for the first time in hours.“Thank god, I need a drink.”
“Like you’ve ever needed me to do that.”
“It’s called growth, Auds.”
Her bright laughter reverberated throughout the room as she shucked her jacket and arranged herself comfortably on the couch.I brought our drinks over and watched the appreciation on her face when she took her first sip.
“Mmm, this is amazing, Tiff.New menu item?”
“I wish.Our new dictator will probably have something to say about it, though.No, just something I was thinking about today.”
“He was really that bad, huh?”
“I can’t even describe it, Auds.It’s like, on the surface, he’s so smooth and smiley and ‘oh I didn’t get your name’ like he’s come right out of a fucking campaign tour, and then he’s calling me Miss Young and telling me to get in line.”
Audrey’s lips formed a tight line, and her shoulders shook with restrained laughter.
“Oh, fuck you,” I playfully retorted, causing her to openly laugh at me.
“He’s awful, Auds.Got this chip on his shoulder like he knows something everyone else doesn’t, but he plays it so nice, so you can’t actually say anything bad about him.The rest of the staff is practically smitten.”
“Ooh, I’ll have to come around and meet him.”
