19
Tiff
Sam had asked me to open the bar that afternoon, saying a meeting had run late.It was … odd, not having him here.I’d expected to enjoy it more since it was the first time since he’d started that he wasn’t holed up in his office or hovering behind the bar while Devon and I prepped.
Instead, I felt … unsettled.Like something was missing.Which was ridiculous.Clearly, I was going through some sort of early midlife crisis.
Nathan was busy wiping down stools and tabletops while the rest of the team filled in the ice trays, restocked the glassware, mixed syrups, and jotted down what we needed to restock.Devon took receipt of a delivery, and I felt oddly … bored.
Without Sam here to argue with me, what was there to do?
Pulling out my phone, I restarted a video I found that morning.For weeks, I’d been devouring Youtube’s best attempts at cocktail advice.Some were better than others.More often than not, I was cataloging what I’d do differently, and a long list of video ideas had started to bank up.
Maybe I should do this.I definitely could (at least, I knew I had the experience and knowledge).The filming part would be harder, but that couldn’t be that hard, right?Surely Jackson would have some tips.
Devon reappeared at my shoulder as the video closed out.“I’ve seen that one.Have you tried Mr.BarFly?He’s funny.”
“Not yet, but I’ll add it to the list.You ever watch that channel ‘ThisCocktailRocks’?Someone made a huge Long Island Iced Tea in a toilet yesterday.Total clickbait.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“I almost puked.”
Devon chuckled, and I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to know what he thought of my plans.“What would you do if you had something like that?”
“What?A Youtube channel?”
“Yeah.I’ve been toying with the idea.”
“You should do it.If anyone could make it work, it’d be you.”
Pure dopamine filled my brain.This was how it always started for me.An idea turned into an itch, which wouldn’t be satiated until I acted on it.
But acting on it would mean quitting and leaving all of this behind.Leaving my friends.Ever since I acknowledged that I wanted to move on, this had been the hurdle I’d yet to accept.Leaving would mean adventure and excitement, but I was conflicted.I loved the team here (and dammit, that actually included Sam now).I hadn’t ever planned to stay here forever, but that didn’t mean I hated every second of it.
Once upon a time, this had been a part-time gig that I’d agreed to because Harry had been so hard up for employees and I’d seen the opportunity to have more autonomy.I’d seen it as a stepping stone, a layover that would connect me to whatever was going to come next as soon as I figured out what that was.
Now, over four years later, I still had no clue.But had I ever really stopped to think about it?I felt torn.I loved this place, the staff, the familiarity, the routine.I liked bartending, and yes, selfishly, I liked the reputation I’d built for myself.I didn’t want to start from scratch, but that itch that I’d been feeling wasn’t going away.Change had been looming for a while now, and it was not going to let me hold it off any longer.I wasn’t really built for settling in.I never had been.
So, what did I do?I’d never wanted to walk away before because I was so fearful that everything would fall apart without me.Which was disgustingly arrogant, I could see.Yes, maybe Harry would have had problems, but Devon and the rest of the team were amazing.They’d figure it out.And now they wouldn’t have to.Sam was many things (so many damn things), but the one thing he wasn’t was incompetent.He was practically the epitome of a competence kink.If he ever felt out of control, he never showed it, and that wasn’t something I could ever claim.Hannah, if she ever had met him, would probably have taken one look and then told me, “see?This is how you are supposed to act.”
Devon jolted me out of my thoughts.“Does that mean you’ll be leaving us?”
My hands had settled on the familiar wood of the bar top.Nathan could be heard singing along to the latest Jonas Brothers song playing on the overhead speakers.
“Honestly, D.I don’t know.Maybe.”
Devon had the grace not to look too surprised, but his sad expression punched me right in the heart.“Well, if you do, we’ll all miss you.”
“You, too, D.”
The decision solidified itself within me, clicking into place in the way all the right decisions do.
Now that thewhatwas in place, I only had to decide thewhen.Shit was definitely about to get real.
