I heard her quiet little breath of surprise when I unlocked the stairway door.As she followed me upstairs, she said, “I didn’t even realize this was here.”
Once we were inside, I made quick work of getting us both a drink.When I turned back, she was standing in the middle of the room, taking in the black painted brick walls and polished floorboards.It wasn’t much, not yet, a stack of boxes in the corner making it obvious that I hadn’t quite moved in.I’d gotten as far as unpacking my books, mostly non-fiction or biographies, which were scattered around the apartment, strewn across surfaces and a lone bookcase.A large philodendron cascaded down the bookcase, and there was a bird of paradise sitting by the window.
It wasn’t yet home, but it felt like mine, and I liked that.
I waited as Tiffany curiously observed the organized chaos.With a quick glance, I checked for Luna, not surprised that she hadn’t shown herself.She was notoriously suspicious of strangers and still settling in from the cross-country move.Her bowl was empty, though, so I could only imagine that she was curled up under my bed, her second favorite spot to occupy in the apartment.
Directing Tiffany towards the couch, I purposefully sat in an armchair that faced her but kept me at a respectable distance.
From her interactions with the rest of the team, I’d seen that Tiffany was comfortable letting people into her personal space, whether it was through a warm hug hello, the ease with which she splayed herself on any piece of furniture, or the way she never seemed bothered by the confined conditions behind the bar on a busy night.
But I’d never seen her vulnerable like this.And something told me to be cautious about how I approached it.
She accepted the drink with a tight nod, still not making eye contact.
Gently, I asked, “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“What do you care?”She said it so quietly, I felt my resolve cracking.She honestly believed I didn’t care about her?
“Despite what you think, Tiffany, I care.I would rather not have my employees drinking themselves to an early grave, especially with my inventory.”Another terrible attempt at a joke.
I expected a retort.Something.Her usual barbed sneer and flippant air.But instead, she remained quiet.Worse than that, she was … deflated.Despondent.I’d never seen her like this before.
I had no idea how to approach it.
Talking wasn’t working, but we weren’t close enough for me to offer much else except the drink and the company.Suddenly, I felt guilty that I’d let our … rivalry distract me from getting to know her.It was a failure on my part.
The apartment was too quiet.Muted sounds of street life could be heard from below, but the lack of anything else was stifling, so I pulled out my phone and used the Bluetooth speaker that sat in the corner to play a mix of smooth blues.
Acoustic guitar rang out, the first few bars soft and melodic.I let myself relax deeper into the armchair, taking another sip of whiskey and letting the warm amber seep calm into my blood.
“This is good.”Tiffany’s soft voice was rough with emotion.At first, I thought she was referring to the music, but when I peered over at her, she was appreciating the whiskey in her glass, swirling it again before taking a sip.“Japanese?”
I give her a gentle smile, even though it didn’t surprise me that she recognized it.“You know your whiskey.”
“I wouldn’t be a very good bartender if I didn’t.”
“And I have it on good authority you’re the best in town.”Again I hoped for a smile, but she looked pained instead.
I felt completely out of my depth.
“You know that doesn’t mean anything, right?”she said, finally meeting my eye.“Those awards.It’s just their way of showing they can be inclusive.It’s not why I do this.”
“Why do you?”
“Because I like it.And I’m good at it.Why do you do it?”
There were so many answers, many I wasn’t yet comfortable sharing.“I like providing people with something they want.And I’m good at it.”
Finally, the corner of her lips curled into a smile, and I felt the tightness in my chest shift.Ease.
“You, a people pleaser,” she said, a hint of her usual humor threading itself through the words.“I hadn’t noticed.”
“Normally, my work isn’t cut out for me.You’ve been a difficult one to please,” I dryly joked.
