7
Tiff
If I slept at all last night, it didn’t feel like it.
I’d tossed and turned next to Hannah for hours until eventually giving up and wandering out to the couch.I hadn’t even bothered to turn a light on; I just sat on the couch in the dark, trying to get my head clear.
All night my thoughts had been a running loop of yesterday’s uncomfortable dinner and the unavoidable conversation Hannah and I needed to have this morning.
Fuck.
It had been going well, if a bit awkward.Hannah’s parents were polite, and we’d discussed their trip to the city.I’d recommended a few restaurants that I knew had great food but without the extortionate prices.
Then,Hannah’s dad, Clinton, had asked about work, how long I’d been doing it, and what had gotten me started in bartending.I’d told him the truth; that I’d started mixing drinks for my college boyfriend and had quickly learned as many recipes as I began trying to make up my own.That’s where I’d discovered how much I loved coming up with new combinations and surprising people with twists on their favorites.
Her parents had shared a pointed look during my story, and that’s when I’d realized Hannah had stiffened.She interrupted with a laugh and told her parents, “Tiff is joking.She’s never had a boyfriend.”
I’d been too confused at the time to say anything (and the last thing I’d ever do is embarrass someone in front of their parents), but it had killed my appetite.I’d choked down some food along with my complete and utter rage at Hannah’s lie and somehow managed to make it through the rest of dinner with a forced smile.
I knew Hannah wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about my bisexuality, but I’d never thought she would outright deny it to anyone.Especially after she’d made such a big deal about how important this dinner with her parents was to the future of our relationship.
By the time we’d gotten home, I’d been silently seething for so long, I didn’t trust myself to talk to her without blowing up in her face, and we were both too tired to start fighting so late at night.So, without talking about it, we’d both silently ignored it, knowing that we’d have to face it in the morning.
And now it was morning.
The bedroom door creaked open, and Hannah stood in the doorway, watching with an unreadable look.“You didn’t need to sit out here.I’m already awake.”
Hannah moved to the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind her.My head immediately fell back against the couch.
Fuck.
If I had any hope of getting through this conversation, I was going to need coffee.A lot of coffee.I was half a cup in by the time Hannah made her way into the kitchen.
It was awkward, to say the least.
But if there was one thing I’d never learned, it was to leave anything the hell alone.
I faced her head on, jumping straight in.“You lied, Hannah.To your parents.About something that isn’t even your goddamn business.Do you know how hurtful that was?You know I don’t lie about my sexuality.I’m not about to hide who I am.Not to you, not to your parents.You didn’t even warn me.”
“Because you would never have gone along with it.”
Which was correct.“Why?Why would they even care that I’m bi?”
Her arms crossed tightly across her chest.“Do you know how hard it’s been trying to get them to accept my sexuality?For them to understand that this isn’t just a phase?You don’t get it.My mom is Japanese.Gay marriage still isn’t legal there.Getting her to understand that this is who I am and I’m not able to flick a switch and turn it off has been hard.We didn’t talk for a year after I came out.”
I felt for her; I did.But that didn’t explain her actions.“What does that have to do with me?”
Her shoulders sagged.“Because it gives them hope.If they heard about you talking about dating men, they’d start asking me why I don’t.They don’t understand the difference.”
I could see how badly she felt, and it chipped away at my anger.It didn’t make it right, but she had her reasons, and she sounded pained.Family meant a lot to both of us, and it was obvious that her parent’s approval was important to her.I just wished it hadn’t required her to erase a part of my identity.“You made me feel like there’s something wrong with me.Which is bullshit.”
Her face crumpled, eyes glassy with unshed tears.“I know, I’m sorry, I really am.But can you at least understand why I did it?”
I sighed, sagging against the counter.I still wasn’t a hundred percent okay with what had happened, and there was a nagging worry that Hannah wasn’t as accepting of me as I’d assumed, but I could (frustratingly) understand why she’d said what she had.
“I don’t like it, but I think I can.”
“Are we ok?”She whispered.
