He opened his mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again.I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans, just for something to do.I was about to crawl out of my skin.
He took a step closer.“That isn’t really why I came here.”I suddenly realized he was holding a large envelope when he dropped his gaze to it, turning it over in his hands.“I have something to ask you.”
My pulse picked up, even though I had zero clue about what the hell was happening.I was racing to figure it out, but every possibility seemed ludicrous.
“Actually,” he said, looking back up at me, “I’m getting ahead of myself.I need to apologize first.I’ve been an idiot.”
“I won’t argue with that.”
He didn’t acknowledge my interruption, but I saw the smile he tried to hide.“I’ve tried to think of where I could have prevented this, but honestly, I think I was doomed the moment I met you.Maybe even before that.”He paused, then, his expression complicated, and I could practically see him weighing what he wanted to say.He turned the envelope over in his hands.“I like you, Tiffany,” he laughed softly at himself.“Which I know is a ridiculous thing to say when we’ve been sleeping together, but I want you to know that I do.Like you.And respect you.You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met.It frustrated me when we first met.I hate how blind I was back then.I completely misjudged you, and I was dismissive and—”
“You were a dick,” I added helpfully.
He looked at me, pained, and I wanted to take it back, but he stopped me.“No, you’re right.And I’m sorry.It’s not an excuse, but I was too caught up in my own problems, what I’d left behind, and the bar.”Another unimpressed look flashed across his face.“It’s something I’m trying to get better at, but the point is—”
“What is the point, Sam?”It might be the most I’d ever heard him say, and yet, I still couldn’t work out why he was here.What he was getting at.I knew what I wanted it to be, but damn, did he have to take so long to get there?I was aging here.
Sam took a tentative step forward, and my skin tingled in anticipation.“I was scared.After Piper, I was convinced that I had to do it all on my own, that if I let someone back in, history would repeat itself.And when I realized how much I felt for you …” He rubbed the back of his neck.“I’d like to repeat, I’ve been an idiot.”
“What you said really hurt me.”
“I know,” his hand reached for me, but I retreated, stopping him.
“No, wait.I need to get this out.”Suddenly, I was nervous.“I know I look tough, and I am, but that doesn’t make me invincible.All my life, I’ve been fighting other people’s judgments of me.When it’s coming from Hannah or Pierce, I can take it.But hearing those same things from you … Sam, I love you, but I can’t be with anyone who can’t accept me for who I am.If you’re here trying to make things right, that’s great, but if you’re here to try and change me, then you can take your apology and walk straight back out that door.”
“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to know that I don’t blame you for anything.I wouldn’t want you to be anyone other than you.No exceptions.Because you’re incredible.You have this light, a fire, that I don’t think I ever felt before I met you, and it’s addictive.From the moment I met you, you got under my skin, and I kept telling myself to stay away from you, and when I couldn’t, I told myself that it was because I was letting how I felt override my sense, and then everything with Pierce happened and I just …” His hand flapped awkwardly in the air, and I took pity on him.
“Pushed me away because it was easier than dealing with it.”
“Yes, and I’m sorry.It’s not enough, but I want to make it up to you.What bothers me the most is that I didn’t tell you what I should have before.”
“And what is that?”
“You’re important to me.More important than the bar.”
“Sam,” I said, suddenly breathless.It felt like a question, but I had no idea what I was asking for.Just that I wanted it.I wanted this to mean what I thought it meant.
“What do you want, Tiffany?When I asked you why you didn’t take the job, you said what you wanted was here.”He continued to close the gap between us, and though my heartbeat was racing, my feet were stuck in place.“What do you want?”
My voice came out shaky.“You know what I want.”
“Tell me.”Another step closer, a dare in his eyes.Teal pools that I couldn’t look away from.I’d almost forgotten how pale the color was.A shiver ran through my body, and I ached to reach out now, feel the warmth of his chest under my hand and the strength of his heart beneath it.
He took another step forward, now within reach.Convulsively, I pressed my palms to my thighs.It was either that or touch him.
Saying nothing else, Sam stood there, solid and stubborn, waiting.And I was done.I was so over being patient.Of holding back all the things that I’d been wanting to say.Weeks.Weeks of waiting.I should have won a fucking award for all the patience I’d shown.
But even I had my limits.
My hand reached out, slipping easily into place around his neck, and something settled deep inside of me.“You.Ok, you silly, stubborn asshole.I want you.God knows why when you drive me this fucking wild.”
His lips broke into a smile.“If it helps, I’m not sure why either.I’m not—”
My hand slipped down to his chest as I cut him off, still high on the adrenaline of finally letting my feelings out.This dam had burst, and he was going to hear it, whether he liked it or not.“Not what?Enough?Perfect?Bullshit.I’m not going to say it’ll be easy, Sam.We’ll fight.We’ll need space.But for the first time in my life, I have someone I want to choose over and over again.Who takes everything I am and amplifies it.Who makes me want to learn and grow and fucking compromise.And honestly, it would be great if you felt the same, but frankly, you can’t change the way I feel.I’m going to love you no matter what.So, deal with it.”
He captured my hand where it had landed over his heart, intertwining our fingers.“Why didn’t you say anything before?”
I met his eyes, feeling laid out before him, anchored only by his grip in mine.“We both know you didn’t want to hear it.”
