I looked away but couldn’t help being drawn back like a magnet to Sam, who was making one of our Saturday night regulars laugh.I felt my lips curl up in response like I could hear what he’d said.
“Does he know how you feel?”
I tore my eyes away, running a finger over a groove in the bar, just feeling the indentation over and over, the grain soft and worn.“I don’t even know how I feel.”
“I think we both know that’s a lie.”
Ugh, Theo was the worst.“It’s complicated.”
“What isn’t.”
“Wow, you’re really helpful.Why aren’t you getting paid to give love advice, Miss Bradshaw?”
“Oh, fuck off, you know I’m probably the only one with a worse track record than you.Alls I know is, the only other time I’ve seen you with that dreamy look on your face was when you watchedThe Mummyfor the first time and couldn’t decide between Rachel Weisz and Brendan Fraser.”
I took a moment to just bask in the loveliness of that memory.Total bi awakening.“Ok, fine.I’m not saying I know what this is yet, but yeah, it’s special.Different.He’s … he’s so calm and thoughtful and planned.And funny, but in this totally devious way that you wouldn’t think he was capable of.Like sweet as sugar on the outside and a devil underneath.”
“Sounds perfect for you.”
I swatted him on the arm.“You know I don’t believe in perfection.That’s too much.It’s more like he’s ok with me as myself.Likes me like that, but also makes me want to be better, you know?”I swallowed harshly against the weight of feeling in my throat, aware suddenly of how fast my heart was beating.Fluttering, so close to the surface.
It was too much.Forcing a self-deprecating smile, I feebly tried to push it down.Now was not the time to get my hopes up.“Clearly, he’s a fool.”
Unconvinced, Theo eyed me carefully.“You always do that.Anytime you find something good, you minimize it.You’ve always said you’re happier with short term, but I think it’s easier to be with people you know aren’t serious prospects because then you never have to give anyone the ability to hurt you.It’s ok to let someone in you know.Hurts like hell, but the only way you’ll know it’s worth it is to try.”
Theo knew better than anybody (maybe even better than Audrey) how fast I usually ran.It was funny, now that I thought about it, how similarly different Sam and I were.He was meticulous, measured but always up early and ready to get started.I slept in late, took ages to come online, but ran at breakneck speeds once I was there.Maybe we could balance each other out.We already made a good team.
But that … was short-lived.Now that Jade was there, I wouldn’t be needed anymore.And what did that mean for us?Was there an us?
I eyed Theo’s beer, envious.I could really use a drink right now.He seemed to understand, holding his beer out to me, which I waved away.“Enough about my love life.What’s going on with yours?”
He sighed and scratched the back of his neck, a resigned droop affecting his posture.“Ugh, nothing interesting.”
“Seriously?Whatever happened to cute coffee guy?”
“He must’ve switched shifts or moved or somethin’.I never see him working there anymore.I was gonna text him, but it’s hard with work, and it’s just …”
“Complicated,” I finished for him.God, what a pair we were.“Damn, sorry.”
“It’ll be fine.”He reached over, clicking his beer bottle to my glass of water.“To complicated.”
Jade was working out great,and while I was impressed to see that she fit right in, working with the rest of the team and barely slipping once all night, the first turn of realization occurred in my mind.
This was it.The beginning of the end.
In the time (fuck, had it really been a few months now?) since I’d quit, I always knew it was coming, but I hadn’t given much thought to when.I’d assumed I’d feel a little sad (it had been over four years of my life after all) and somewhat relieved, but this?There was a storm of … something mixed in there, churning in my chest like murder hornets, electric and dangerous.
Foreboding.
Sam and I hadn’t spoken yet about how long I’d be needed.From the looks of it, it wouldn’t be long.At least where Jade was concerned.Maybe another week of teaching her some recipes, testing her on the ins and outs of the bar … After that, there’d be no reason to have me around, no reason to see Sam at all, unless …
Unless we kept seeing each other.
I liked the idea; I couldn’t deny it.Even without the sex (which was, admittedly, some of the best I’d ever had), I liked Sam.Liked being around him.Talking to him.Hearing his opinions, even when they were wrong (although he was rarely wrong, which was all the more frustrating).
So, seeing him outside of this place?Outside of the bubble we’d created between work and life?It was easy to admit that I wanted to.
But would Sam?
