I didn’t even blame her for leaving; I’d called her no one, then threw her failed marriage in her face. Of all the things I could have said, that might have been the worst one.
Even Terry had questioned me afterward, and Sarah had been on my case as well, only making me feel worse.
And the comments … I’d already stopped myself a few times from setting them straight, telling them how amazing Audrey was, but that would mean dragging her further into this mess, and that was the last thing I wanted.
As much as I missed her, I wasn’t going to reach out. I knew I couldn’t take the rejection. My pride stood in the way of that, at least.
When my phone rang, I answered without checking the caller ID, not allowing any hope that it was Audrey on the other side.
“Your offer worked, my man! I’m looking at your contract right now. Two more seasons and an extra zero for both of us. Great thinking with that podcast, by the way.”
Glad that he couldn’t see my wince, I said, “Thanks, Terry, that’s great news.” And in truth, I was pleased about it, but it was difficult to find the energy to get excited.
“You ok, J?”
I waved him off. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” A thought occurred. “Hey, will tomorrow work for me to sign those? I’ve got something to do today.”
“Of course. Call me tomorrow. We’ll tee something up.”
After my conversation with Terry, I messaged Sarah.
Me: Are you still at mom and dad’s today?
Sarah: Yeah
Me: Tell them I’m on my way.
As I stretched out the last knots in my back, my mind cleared.
It would be a good thing. They’d talk some sense into me.
The train ride was shorter than I remembered. Sarah was waiting for me at the station, and although the drive back to our parent’s house was short, she still managed to grill me.
“Wow, Jace, you look like shit.”
“Thanks, I feel like shit.” I kept my eyes on the passing buildings. “Audrey and I broke up.”
“Oh, Jace. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. I’ll be fine. I think. I just …”
Sarah stole a look in my direction at a red light. “Feel like your heart’s been ripped out and thrown into a blender?”
It was a morbid joke, but it still made me smile. “Yeah.”
“Aw, your first heartbreak.”
“Little soon to be rubbing it in, Sarah.”
Sarah looked appropriately sheepish. “Sorry.”
“It’s ok.”
We spent the next twenty minutes rehashing the breakup. When I’d finished, we’d arrived at our parent’s house. “Did I completely fuck up?” I asked as I unlocked the front door.
Sarah led us to the kitchen and pulled out the tin of homemade cookies that Mom always managed to have on hand for emergencies. “No! You said yourself that you hadn’t talked about how to handle the press. You went with your gut, and that’s the best you could have done. You don’t know that it would have worked out any better if you’d decidedly differently. And I know it sucks, but you can’t regret telling someone how you feel. It’s always a gamble when you love someone. That’s what makes it so great but so damn scary.”
We hovered in the kitchen, taking turns devouring the cookie stash. It felt like it could have been ten years ago if it weren’t for how grown-up Sarah looked now. Here was my married baby sister, finally in a position to give me dating advice.
