Suddenly, I had a strong preference to avoid this conversation.
On instinct, or perhaps because it might be the last time I got to do it, I hugged him, reveling in the feel of him, his familiar smell, the comfort of his arms. More than anything, I wanted for it to be yesterday when there wasn’t anything hanging over my head.
“Can I sit?” The question was unnecessary. I was already moving towards the couch, and I didn’t expect him to say no, but the thick fog of the inevitable was starting to choke me, and I needed to say something.
When he took the seat next to me, I turned and rested my feet in his lap. It was a position we’d been in many times. His hands came to rest on my calves, and the gesture pulled at my heart, taunting me.See how sweet he is?My heart seemed to cry.Don’t hurt him.
Clearing my throat, I said, “I wanted to talk to you about the interview today.”
Quick. Just like a band-aid.
Jackson, understanding exactly which part of the interview I was referring to, gently squeezed my leg. “I’m sorry about that. They put me on the spot, and since we haven’t talked about going public, I thought that was the best way to cut off the questions until I saw you. I know that’s not an excuse, but I wanted you to know that I do see us as something serious.”
“Ok.” And it was. “I … that makes sense.” And it did. “I have to admit I was a little disappointed, but you’re right, we hadn’t talked about going public, and after I saw some of the comments that they were talking about, I guess I’m glad no one knows who I am yet.”
His frown deepened. “I’m also sorry about that. You don’t deserve any of what they’re saying, anonymous or not, and I plan on getting the PR team to make sure that anything hateful is deleted.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
I slipped my gaze away from his, flexing my foot against his thigh, and watched as he thumbed along the seam of my pants.
“I wanted to if that helps.” When I responded with a questioning look, he elaborated. “Tell them how I felt about you. I know we haven’t been together very long, and it’s a big step, but I wanted to call you my girlfriend today. To tell everyone how much you mean to me.”
He was quiet, studying me while I continued to avoid looking directly at him. Scared that if I met his eyes, I would crumble. Into what, I wasn’t sure yet.
“But only if that’s something you want, too.”
“I …” And I startled myself when I realized I had no idea what I wanted to say. I honestly couldn’t decide between bringing it up or letting it go, and it made me so endlessly disappointed in myself. Because I didn’t trust myself to know what I wanted.
Brad’s voice rang in my ears. I really wished I’d let Tiff punch him.
Before the next words came out of his mouth, I could feel the change in the atmosphere, like a super sense, warning me about what was about to happen. But I had no way of stopping it.
“Audrey, I know it might be quick, but no, I know how I feel about you, and I don’t care if it’s too soon …” The tenderness in his tone felt abrasive against the storm swirling inside me. “I love you.”
Earlier today, it had taken two words to break through my rose-colored haze.
It took three to break my heart.
31
Jackson
Her eyes drifted closed in the seconds that followed, and I prayed they would open and release me from the fear that was slowly creeping over me.
Then they met mine, and my breath caught in my throat.
It wasn’t so much that she didn’t immediately say it back. It wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for, but on its own, I could accept it. I could even understand it. It was still early.
It was the look of shock and fear in her eyes that hurt.
“Audrey?”
She swung her legs off my lap and onto the floor, turning away from me, her voice icy. “I heard you.”
The resulting silence was not comforting me. Something was wrong, but I was scared to ask.
Panic struck me as Audrey stood up from the couch, her face strained. “I really wish you hadn’t said that.”
