“Nonsense, from what Sarah’s told me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Mom said. Then in a conspiratorial whisper, she added, “I hear I have you to thank for getting rid of the horrible favors.”
“Please don’t start on that again, Deb,” Dad said, offering a hand to Audrey. “Hi, I’m Robert, the financier of this whole shebang.”
It was now Mom’s turn to scoff. “Bob, if I have to hear you go on about how much you paid for this wedding one more time ...”
Dad was nonplussed. “You said yourself, Deborah, it’s not like Jace is getting married anytime soon.”
So, this was going well.
I risked a glance at Audrey, hoping she wasn’t as mortified as I felt right now, and felt immense relief when her lips pursed in amusement.
Mom, who was on fire tonight, unhelpfully added, “Well, you never know, Rob. Audrey would be a fantastic addition to the family. Right, Jace?”
Warning bells were flashing in my head. Abort! Abort! They’d only met for five minutes, and already my mother was planning our wedding. How the hell had we gotten on to this?
“It might be a bit early for that. I only just finished paying for my divorce.” Audrey laughed nervously.
“I’m not surprised, dear. It’s how I know Robert will never leave me. He could never afford it.” I choked on a shocked laugh. Dad just shook his head, like he’d heard that joke before.
I attempted to change the subject. “Speaking of, how nice was the ceremony?”
Mom completely ignored me to speak to Audrey. “Oh, Audrey, I should give you the name of the lawyer my friend Susan just used. She made a mint in the split. Granted, her ex was a horrible man.”
“Asshole tax is what it is. She should have gotten double. Man has the worst backswing I’ve ever seen.”
Even Dad was getting in on this? I really had to get a hold of this conversation. “Have you said hi to Aunt Viv and Uncle Al yet? I saw he wore his lucky pink socks again.”
“Jackson, stop interrupting while I’m trying to talk to your girlfriend. It’s very rude.” Mom turned to Audrey and proceeded to ask her a series of questions about her job, apartment, and hobbies, while Dad turned to me with the same, “you know your mother,” look he’d perfected over their thirty-plus years of marriage.
We both came back into the conversation when Mom lightly slapped Dad’s arm while talking to Audrey. “Oh, you don’t know the half of it. His mother hated me.”
“Only because I told her to,” Dad joked.
Audrey thankfully laughed, and I wondered if she was ever going to stop being perfect. I loved my parents to death, but they were, like Sarah and myself, confident in their oddness, and it sometimes took people off guard. After seeing Sarah and Audrey click so well over brunch, I should have known = I had nothing to worry about.
“But that was before I started meditating.” Mom said, and I realized I’d lost the thread of conversation. In the corner of my eye, I caught Dad pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Oh, really? How did you get into that?” Audrey genuinely looked interested, which was good because this would definitely end up being a long conversation.
“Well, I’ve been having some pain in my wrists, which my naturopath believes could be linked to a lack of—”
Dad sighed. “Honey, Audrey doesn’t want to hear about your old age pains.“ He turned to Audrey. “She has pain everywhere. In her hips, her knees …”
“And you’re the pain in my neck.” Mom laughingly smacked his arm. “Now, shush, I’m trying to talk to Audrey. Why don’t you and Jace go entertain your brother before he embarrasses himself on the dance floor.”
I looked over to see my uncle trying to do what looked like an interpretive dance while the bridesmaids looked on in stunned silence. Sarah was laughing her ass off, but he had managed to scare almost everyone else off the dance floor, so it wasn’t the worst idea for Dad and me to intervene.
As soon as I stepped onto the dance floor, Sarah sidled up to me. “Having a good night?” Her eyes were twinkling so bright; my heart might have burst. I always wanted to see her this happy.
Sarah cocked her chin in the direction of Mom and Audrey. “They look like they’re getting on well. Mom will be knitting her a Christmas stocking next.”
Oh, God, she absolutely would.
My next question came as much as a surprise to me as it did to Sarah. “How did you know Matt was the one?”
Sarah smiled wide enough that her eyes practically closed with glee, and she launched into my arms with a squeal. If anyone asked, I’d tell them it was the champagne.
“Ok, ok.” I chuckled in her ear and let her down again. “Also, remind me to pay you back for whatever you told mom.”
