“Actually, there was one thing I read about you.” It sounded casual in a way that was anything but, and I waited for her to continue.
“That you have a habit of sleeping around.”
I fought to keep my expression unchanged while she rushed on. “Not that that’s a bad thing! In fact, it’s what made me realize you were probably the perfect person to have this sort of arrangement with, you know?”
Ouch.
Audrey had just laid out my history, and while it was hardly a lie that I hadn’t had any long-term romantic relationships in recent years—hell, it was something Sarah harped about at least once every time we saw each other—it hurt to hear it from Audrey.
Especially when she was holding it up as the exact reason she was interested in me.
Because, in her mind, we would never be anything more than sex.
The disappointment was palpable, but I hid it. I liked her a lot, and I wanted to be with her. And if the only way to have that was to keep it casual, then I’d take what I could get.
“So you’ve never had a serious girlfriend?” Audrey ventured when I still hadn’t said anything.
“Not for a few years,” I said, although it had probably been longer than that. “I’ve been too focused on my career. Even before starting on the show, it was a constant grind, each role or opportunity making the next one possible. And once we knew the show was a hit, it didn’t stop. It’s a bit of a double-edged sword—the more you build up your rep, the less worried you have to be about being offered work, but the more you’re expected to do for the public.” I threaded our fingers together and noted how well we fit, fighting the urge to say that to her. “It’s hard to offer much to someone else in those circumstances.”
“You must have dated a lot of beautiful women.” I heard the insecurity behind her statement.
“Yes. In fact, I’m seeing a gorgeous senior account manager right now.”
She snorted. “You know what I mean.”
“Audrey, I don’t know how to break it to you, but you’re beautiful. Seriously.”
“I know! Thank you. I guess I’m just not used to hearing it from someone else.”
While I was glad she could acknowledge it herself, it made me wonder why she wasn’t comfortable hearing it from others. Again, I wondered what the hell her idiot of an ex must have been thinking.
In fact, I was curious about several things regarding him, which was probably why I didn’t stop myself from asking, “Do you ever regret getting married?”
“Sometimes.” There was so much unsaid in that one word, and I wished she felt comfortable enough that she could tell me everything behind it.
Her tone was pensive when she spoke again. “Do you think all relationships are doomed?”
This time I turned to look at her. “That’s dark.”
Her brow creased, but she was mostly contemplative. “Is it? I guess my experience isn’t really a good example.” There it was again, that glimpse into her past that she wasn’t ready to share with me. Ever since the night we had met at the bar when she’d mentioned that all she’d wanted to be “was enough,” I’d wanted to know what it was that had brought her to this point.
A tilt of her head. “Or maybe I’m wondering what the secret is.”
“The secret to relationships?”
“To making it last.”
“I … don’t think there is one.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Is that why you don’t want anything serious?”
“Maybe …” She sighed.
“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
“Um, I don’t know, I hadn’t really given it much thought. It seems so far off, I guess. But yeah, I think I would if I met the right person. But I definitely wouldn’t bother with all the bells and whistles the second time around. Ugh, to think of all the money I could have saved if we hadn’t bothered with guest favors,” she groaned.
