Apparently, he’d been seen on the arm of at least a half dozen models, and I gave myself a gold star for not comparing myself to them, for too long at least.
He certainly hadn’t been lying when he’d told me he didn’t do relationships. Not that I had gotten the impression otherwise, but it was nice to know he’d been honest. It meant I could keep my good view of him.
And considering the slideshow of memories I’d been left with, I wanted nothing more than to keep that view intact.
Images flashed across my mind of Jackson’s fingers splayed over my hips, pinning me down as his mouth worked its wicked ways between my thighs. Just remembering it had my pulse racing and my muscles contracting in response. Talk about a feast for the senses.
Jackson had stoked a fire in me I hadn’t even believed existed. My whole sexual experience before that night boiled down to a series of missionary-style fucks, always at night, before sleep, in a bed, usually with the lights off. I had thought that was all I would experience, and I was ok with that. I never figured myself as an adventurous lover. I’d had no clue how much a well-placed bite right in the crook of my neck with just enough force to leave a mark would drive me insane to the point that even the memory of it made me squirm.
Damnit, I really wanted to have that again.
I opened my dating app, reminding myself not to compare every man I saw to the handsome actor who took up residence in my fantasies.
It was more difficult than I anticipated.
Still, I managed to set up two dates for the weekend. One for drinks on Saturday night with a banker named Beckett; the second for Sunday dinner with Chad—who was a PT, because of course, he was.
It took effort not to back out of both.
And, by the end of the weekend, I firmly wished I had.
I also wished I had spent the entire weekend in the office because at least then I’d have accomplished something. But no, I had made this “get out and date again” bed, and now I was lying in it, annoyed and exhausted.
Tiff was, unsurprisingly, after all the dirty details. “Sucked literally or figuratively?” She asked over the phone Sunday night after I’d told her how well my weekend had gone.
I tensed from my sprawled position on my bed. I was starting to really rethink this whole sex thing, feeling hollower with every disappointing encounter. But Tiff’s refusal to judge, or let me stop looking, kept me from falling into a shame spiral.
“We didn’t even come close to literal sucking. After Jackson, I’m finding it difficult to be interested in anyone else.”
“Maybe you should try and hook up with him again.”
“Funny,” I responded dryly.
“We could find a way.” Her voice was innocent in a way that made me suspicious. And nervous.
“No. I was lucky enough the first time. The chances of seeing him again are about one in a trillion. A trillion trillion.” I let out a long, harsh breath as I stretched my back, trying to ease out the stiffness that had set in. It was probably too late to go into the office. “I’ll just keep trying with these apps and see if I can’t strike gold twice.”
12
Jackson
“Cut!” Bryson’s yell reverberated across the set. “Let’s move onto the next scene. Olivia, I need you on your mark in five.”
“I think I’ve got it, thanks.” Liv’s tone was dry, and from anyone else, Bryson probably would have cut them down, but from Liv, he seemed to let it go.
Done for the day, I checked my phone. Good. Plenty of time.
“J! Glad I caught you.” Wes clapped a hand on my shoulder and walked with me as I made my way to change out of my costume. “Are you coming to this thing tonight?”
“The drinks? Yeah, Terry told me I had to. You’re there, too, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
When Tiffany mentioned that she didn’t want to corner Audrey into an awkward situation, I’d started thinking of my options. I knew Tiffany wouldn’t want me going to Audrey’s office or her apartment, but the bar was fair play, as far as I could tell.
When Terry had mentioned they were planning a semi-formal schmooze fest to lubricate some deals, especially with some high-profile producers he wanted to get on the good side of, I’d seen my opportunity, and hey, had he heard of this bar downtown? Because I think it might be perfect.
Terry took care of the rest.
