I struggled to catch a breath, forcing the air in my lungs even though it burned.
“That can’t be right, Mom. I’m here right now.”
I had a plant for Nanna. She wouldn’t go off and die before she got her plant. She needed to kill the plant. I hadn’t admitted it to Lily, but we both knew what was happening. The owner of the plant shop handed over one of her precious babies knowing the chances of survival were slim.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” my mom said, sounding sincere. She and my dad hadn’t been home to visit often, but losing her mother-in-law, even if they argued, hit her deeply.
I blinked and when I opened my eyes, the nursing home was still right to my side. As clear as day the structure stood out against the green forest backdrop. If Nanna died, why was the home still there? Shouldn’t it have disappeared with her?
There was no way my mother spoke the truth. My grandmother wasn’t that old. Lots of people lived to be well into their nineties and Nanna was a healthy eighty-six. She still had many things to do like bridge games to cheat at and plants to kill. Every time they hired a male nurse for the home, she’d be the first one to follow him around and give him cat calls. I found the entire process undignified, which meant I loved it every time it happened. There were so many things she had yet to check off her to do list.
It had to be a prank.
How could my mother be so cruel?
“I have to go, Mom,” I said hanging up the phone and slipping it in my purse.
My mother was wrong. I’d walk up the front steps of the home and my Nanna would be waiting for me in the lobby, as she always did. It was her favorite place to sit because she was right by the front window and had a splendid view of everyone who drove by in Pelican Bay.
Earlier in the year they’d taken away her police scanner, after saying she’d heard my name mentioned on it too many times for her heart. The complete story was a bunch of bull crap because Nanna enjoyed updates on what I did around town. She always asked to hear the marvelous stories.
I opened the nursing home door and a loud beep rang out, making me cringe. The alarm alert them of escaping residents. The woman working the front desk’s head popped up and her eyes grew wide until she saw who it was and then she relaxed.
For a moment everything was fine between the two of us and she even smiled. But then her brain registered who I was, and I saw the recognition roll over her. In the next second she figured out who I was here to see and her expression fell. In the second after that she clutched a hand to the bottom of her throat.
“Oh, Katy.”
I stopped dead in my tracks halfway to her desk. “No.” My heart fell to my knees, the breath forced from me as if I’d taken a hit to the chest.
She stood from her chair and circled the receptionist desk, bringing me into a hug even though my arms fell limply beside her. “I’m so sorry, Katy. We will miss Ruth. She was a wonderful woman.”
I shook my head repeatedly and pulled away. The contents of my stomach twisted like a washing cycle, and outside of the nursing home front door I stopped next to a big green bush with purple flowers, worried I would need to use it as cover.
The walk to my car happened in a haze, and I tucked Nanna’s plant back beside Petunia in the passenger seat next to me. It couldn’t be true. I bought her a plant. She needed to take her plant. Someone had to rename it. Someone had to water it and prune it and then one day kill it.
Why did the sun continue shining and the earth rotating? A car drove past the nursing home sign much too fast and kicked up gravel, which tinged off my front bumper as I waited to turn on to the street away from the home. Why were people still driving? Who were these assholes?
Did they know Nanna wasn’t here anymore? How did the world continue on without her? Why were the street lights still working? Where were people going during this time of distress?
It didn’t make sense.
The drive back to Pelican Bay happened on autopilot, only because I’d done it so many times in my life. Just like Nanna, I’d never left Pelican Bay. I’d even gone to college locally to stay close to her. My family. Mom and Dad left years ago, and then Nanna needed someone to take care of her. To look out for her. I’d been the one to do that. She’d become my responsibility. I never vacationed far away or traveled for any length of time. I had a job, a home, and a Nanna to keep me here.
Once I reached Main Street, I turned off and drove by Ridge’s home. The lights were on in the windows and both he and Tabitha’s cars were in the driveway. I slowed as I reach their mailbox and almost turned in, but at the last second, I drove past their home. They were close to their wedding and so rarely had time alone I didn’t want to bother either of them.
With two more quick turns, my second choice came into view, and I parked out front of the Bakery by the Bay, Anessa’s business. One of my best friends in the world, wearing her pink apron leaned across her counter talking to her boyfriend Bennett. Behind him Elliott and Harley stood close. The four of them obviously engaging in animated conversation.
Anessa said something and then everyone around laughed at the joke. I couldn’t go into the bakery and ruin their good time. After the drama we’d had the last year while Ridge worked to break up a drug ring, they deserved happiness.
Everyone did except me.
They’d finally reached a moment of calm in their lives—a time when everyone could be happy. I wasn’t about to suck the life out of my people by forcing them to deal with bad news.
I was the only one of my friend group alone. Everyone else had found someone to call their own and spend time with every day, but I had no one. The truth struck me in the face like a brick. I didn’t have anyone because everyone found me inferior. Lacking in an unspoken way. Too loud, too fierce, too… me.
With no one to come for me, I drove back to my home, but before I turned into my driveway, Pierce’s large mansion loomed ahead. For possibly the first time in my life, I didn’t scowl as I stared at it. Instead, I hit the gas and absently parked in his paved driveway.
It was too much effort beyond that and I rested my forehead against the car steering wheel, allowing myself to cry. The sobs came fast and filled the space as my body shook.
