I want to argue with her. I even need to argue with her because she wasn’t the only one being stupid with her security but Aspen tends to… well… fly off the handle. She’s a rational girl until she gets to a tipping point and then you never know what’s going to happen, but you don’t want to be on the receiving end. Like the time she dumped Finn because he made too much money. Those two were a mess in the beginning, but they figured it out. It gives me hope for my own disastrous relationship.
Remembering back to the shopping trip where I received my first experience of Marissa’s bluntness when she told Aspen how dumb she was brings a smile to my face and I turn to Hudson. There’s no one else I want to go crazy on but him. Maybe that’s how you know you found the one.
Except Hudson isn’t looking at me with the same cute smile. No, his eyes are freaking out over Aspen’s outburst. He’s never seen her like this. He takes a step closer and his mouth drops open. He’s about to say something, but when I shake my head furiously his lips clamp together. Smart man. Even Finn has learned you let her go and eventually she’ll circle back around to normal again.
“Well, Finn, what are you going to do?”
Finn clears his throat. “You know I love her, right?” I’m not sure who he directs the question to, but neither Hudson nor I respond. “I had planned to ask you in a more formal setting, not a hospital room, but I would like to offer you a position with my company. We don’t have a security department so the entire operation could be set up however you want. I trust your judgment.”
“What about Jake?” I ask.
“He doesn’t have the experience or skill set Hudson has, but I’m sure he’ll be part of the team.”
The room turns quiet as Hudson looks at Finn and then at me. My insides quake at the thoughts. If Hudson were to take this position he would be here in San Francisco. With me. Maybe we could figure this whole thing out.
But I can’t make the decision for him or tell him what to do. Even though I want to scream out yes, I can’t. Hudson must come to this on his own terms for his own reasons. He spent the last month telling everyone how stupid they were for not having more security. Now he can help fix it.
His lips part and I smile knowing he’ll say yes. “I appreciate the thought, but I already have a job in Maine.”
“This is a chance to run your own security department,” Finn says as completely baffled as I am that Hudson would turn away this opportunity.
Is it me? Could Hudson give up the opportunity to stay in San Francisco because he’s upset over what happened?
“My boss, Ridge, just opened up his own security firm. They’re barely a year out and he’s understaffed. Plus, I’m not the man for this job. I let my feelings get in the way and then ended up getting Amanda hurt.”
My heart drops, falling to the bottom of my stomach like a heavy lead-filled heart no longer capable of beating. But there’s also a pissed off part. I thought we shared something over the last few weeks. I thought Hudson would jump at the chance for more. I thought I meant more. With my chest cavity empty, the emotion fills the space, but I sniffle back tears. I refuse to cry. From now on no man makes me cry. No one at all. I’m in total control of my own damn destiny.
Aspen takes a seat beside me, her hand reaching out and squeezing three fingers in an unspoken agreement between friends that she understands what I’m going through.
“Are you for real?” she asks Hudson, not turning in his direction, which is a good thing because her eyes shine with anger and hurt.
He sighs and shuffles his weight to his other foot. “I will find you a great referral. There’s a guy, he’s more of a freelancer, but he’s based on the West Coast and he can help you find someone.”
“Could you help until then?” Finn says, his expression puzzled like he missed something. “After what happened with Amanda, everyone is scared to leave their houses. We have to do something. How long until to you leave?”
Hudson fidgets again and I know I won’t love his answer. “I have a flight out this evening. I figured I’d make sure Amanda got home from the hospital okay and head to the airport.”
For a moment I’m speechless. He’s leaving tonight? When the hell did he plan to tell me? There’s only so much a girl can take. Between witnessing three different shootings, keeping a major secret from her friends, getting kidnapped, watching as a guy died by his head exploding and watching the man I’m pretty sure I’m in love with leave tonight, I’m done. Maybe we all have an Aspen tipping point. It just takes some of us longer to reach it. There’s no explanation for how much hurt and anger decides to boil over at that particular point in time.
“You’re going to leave?” Aspen sounds as upset as I am.
Hudson clears his throat, his eyes searching out the door. “No one seemed concerned earlier. Even Ben said Amanda is no longer threatened. My job here is over.”
Once again, I’m reduced to a job.
“Why wait? I’ve got friends here. They can get me home. Fucking leave now since you’re in such a rush to get out of town. I don’t need you.” There’s no hint of sadness with my words. Screw Hudson and screw men who don’t stick around when they should.
Hudson’s head falls, but I don’t have the energy to feel bad for the guilt stretched across his face. My heart doesn’t beat, but blood flows to my veins aggressively. I am so over men.
When he finally gathers the courage to raise his head and face me, there’s an angry determination to his look. One that matches mine. “If that’s what you want. Aspen, Finn, I’ll let you know when I talk to a few contacts,” he says nodding his head twice and then just walks out.
Not even a goodbye or see you later or I’ll call you, Amanda. He just leaves.
And in the three seconds that follow I realize my heart wasn’t dead. And it wasn’t full of lead at the bottom of my stomach. Because now it breaks. Shatters in such an explosion of hurts that pieces must fly into my ribs. There is no other explanation for the sharp aching pain on both sides of my body.
25
The glass automatic door at the airport entrance slides open and I saunter in with a purpose. No woman has ever been as determined as I am to put a man in his place. Full Marissa style.
