She places her hand on my shoulder and pats me twice. “I wanted to tell you, I heard you and Hudson fighting yesterday.”
I open my mouth to apologize for the noise but she shakes hers before I get the chance.
“Now, we don’t understand everything you were fighting over, but I’ve talked to the girls and we’ve decided you’re stupid.”
What? I rear back in shock, the surprise written across my features. A second passes as I wait for someone to stand up and tell Marissa she was too harsh, but each of them sit silently nodding their heads in agreement. Well then.
“Listen, I’m sorry you had to hear us fighting, but you don’t understand.”
This time Aspen takes the reins. “You’re right. We don’t know everything that’s gone on between you and Hudson. You definitely haven’t shared the details.” She raises her eyebrows in my direction and I feel guilty. I have hidden so much from my closest friends. “But we also realize you are in danger and that is scary.”
“You guys don’t understand what’s happened.” I keep trying to defend myself even though I’m sure it’s pointless. Have they ever listened?
“Hudson is here to keep you safe. We’re scared for you. This situation is obviously more dangerous than you or Ben have admitted.” Simone does her thing where she looks you right in the eyes and gives you a big puppy dog look that you can’t help but nod in agreement.
Hell, I agree. I want to be safe, but they don’t understand what all is at stake.
“If you saw something you haven’t told Ben about, you should tell him,” Clare says, sounding firm in her declaration.
It’s easy for them to sit in Marissa’s living room and tell me what I should or shouldn’t do, but none of them were there that night. No one else knows what’s on the line. Or how many people the truth could potentially hurt.
“You need to do whatever that man says.” Aspen shoots me with a look, which dares me to argue with her.
“It’s more complicated than it sounds.” I try one last time to sway any of them to my side. It’s not like I can tell them what Hudson and I argued over last night. And they have a point.
I spent so much energy over the last day being mad at Hudson I forgot he’s here doing his best to keep me safe while I keep working to make it difficult for him. I have been dumb. And I haven’t been fair to Hudson. I’m the one keeping secrets. He’s the one doing his best to keep me out of the range of a gun.
“I don’t know what to do. My feelings for Hudson are mixed in with why he’s here. He’ll leave when the situation is finished.”
“Not if you give him a reason to stay,” Clare says looking at her boobs. “Don’t let the criminals of the city steal your happiness.”
When they’re together like this, sprouting out ideas and telling you what to do, they do make sense. At least I think they make sense. I’m easily confused when it comes to Hudson and my feelings. But there is absolutely a part of me, deep somewhere in my mind, begging me into listen. To shut up and apologize. It all seems so simple sitting on Marissa’s couch.
“I will never say this again,” Marissa puts her hand out to make sure everyone pays attention. “But you march your ass over there right now and apologize to that man.”
“I agree. Do what you got to do to fix this crap. Your relationship with Hudson is obviously special. Stop letting him get away.” Aspen still wears her “don’t question me,” expression as she talks so I don’t make a comment.
I don’t move, pondering what they said. In seventh grade they made us take a self-esteem class for half a year. I wish I had paid more attention. My heart wants to believe Hudson likes me, but my brain gets in the way and yells out that it can’t be possible. And he’s bound to not want me once he hears the truth.
“Well what are you waiting for?” Marissa asks, her eyes wide as she uses two hands to shoo me off the couch. “Get over there.”
I take a deep breath and release it slowly. “Fine, I will go over there and see what I can do. But don’t push me. Hudson and I have to come to this on our own terms.”
“Yes, yes, of course. Just flash a boob and you’ll be fine.”
I walk out the door with Marissa’s final piece of advice.
I’ve never listened to Marissa before, but it’s worked for the other girls so now is as good a time as any. The problem is she told me what I should do, but not how to do it. Her advice of walking in my apartment and telling him what’s up sounded easier when she was talking it out. I should have taken notes.
My brothers have been taking my crap for most of their lives. This should be an easy task. Walk in, tell him we’re no longer fighting, and move on with life. Yet, for some reason, I don’t think it will be so simple.
The door isn’t locked and as soon as I twist the handle Hudson is out of his chair and halfway across the room.
“I’m glad you’re still alive,” he says standing with his arms crossed in a pose I consider Hudson’s cranky look.
My eyes narrow and the forced smile I’ve been wearing drops. Screw Marissa. This man isn’t even getting a non-apology. “I’m so glad you’re concerned.”
He huffs. “I am concerned. That’s the point. Why can’t you figure that out?”
