My gloved fingers rub the area of my cheek where his lips pressed against my skin. I need to get the trace of him off of me before it settles in and gives me thoughts I shouldn’t have. Of course, his smell is all over my coat. His deep woodsy cologne reminds me of treesand pine and snow. It’s been the same since we were young, and it’s all Knox.
I let him get too close. If I let the memories stick for too long, the shared history of our one-night stand always comes back to haunt me.
Two years ago at another event like this, we celebrated gold medals for Knox and Remi when the after party turn into a bunch of people sitting around drinking…a lot. With Remistaying in Marley’s room, it left the room he shared with Knox ours for the evening.
I had one tantalizing night with the green-eyed snowboarder. Every fantasy I’d ever had came to life in those few hours. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear. Promised me we’d be together forever and filled my mind with false realities.
When I woke up beside him the next morning, both of us smelling like aliquor store I realized it was a passing phase. There was no way Knox meant the promises he made the night before. As my brother’s best friend, he’d seen me pass through puberty when I was tall and skinny, but not in a cute way. When I had that horrible haircut at sixteen, he told me I looked like a wet dog someone left on the side of the road. The hair grew out, but there was no way his feelingshad changed. I’d always be Remi’s little sister.
Holding my head up high I snuck out of his room as quietly as possible and made a mad dash back to my own. Neither one of us has ever talked about it since. In fact, I’m not even sure he remembers it was me. He probably thinks it was some snow bunny he met at the party. Just another one-night stand to add to his list.
It’s our little secret thatonly I know.
But I can’t allow myself to fall down that particular dark hole again. I have a boyfriend.
I wrap my arms around my mom when she comes in for a hug. She jumps up and down in excitement. Under my breath quietly so no one but me can hear I chant, “I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend.”
She leans out of the hug. “What is that, Honey?”
“Nothing, Mom.” I smilethrough the pain of watching Knox shake my father’s hand. Knowing he’ll always be around, but he’ll never be mine.
“Remi will be doing interviews forever. Let’s go back to my room and get ready for the party.” Marley loops her arm through mine, not giving me much of a way to get out of this. After parties haven’t been my scene for the last two years.
Marley has never been a big partier throughoutRemi’s snowboarding career which is a good thing because Remi isn’t either. In a sport comprised of athletes with a rep for partying, they’ve been labeled the boring couple. But I have a feeling tonight they’ll let loose and celebrate. Me on the other hand, I haven’t had more than a sip of alcohol since the night with Knox, and I don’t plan to start today. But Marley is one of the closest peopleI have to a best friend, and if going to get ready for this party is what she wants to do, then dammit that’s what we’re going to do.
