CHAPTER ELEVEN
My shoe slams against the back wall of the closet, and I cross my fingers it landed near Finn’s head and woke him up. Assholes do not get to sleep in on Sundays. I’m fuming. My actions might get me kicked out of the apartment if I don’t get along with my floor mate, but I can’t bring myself to give a shit.
Finn walked out on me last night. At first I sat on the couch and stared at my blank television as my brain tried to process what had happened. Then I cried. I was dumped by a great guy for what? Because I did everything I could to help a friend get over her devastating breakup? I didn’t cheat on him. I aged my liver a little faster, that's all. For my horrible indiscretion Finn decides I’m not worthy of him? Well, screw him.
Any man who doesn’t understand I would do whatever it takes for my best friend doesn’t deserve to be with me. I don’t know where Finn sleeps in relation to my closet, but I hope it’s close. I grab another shoe to throw it at the wall and stop when I see the pair. I can’t throw my new Carlos boots. Even Finn isn’t worth the possibility of scratching my beauties.
Rather than use my favorite tall brown leather boots as another projectile against Finn’s wall, I decide to wear them. In fact, I decide to dress and look extra nice in case I run into him on the stairwell. A blue knee-length shift dress paired with these boots is everything I need. Let Finn see his asshole decisions haven’t ruined me at all. I’m fine. I don’t need him, and I will keep repeating these comments to myself over and over until my heart believes them.
Amanda and I meet Marissa on what I now consider our spot in Buena Vista Park with the same order we had last week. There isn’t time to consider new foods, and we decide when your fiancé breaks your heart the breakee doesn’t have to wait in line. Amanda and I split the cost and I remind myself not to look at my bank statements until at least next payday. This weekend was costly for my already tight budget. Maybe Finn had a small point about reckless behavior?
We’re all quiet as we take our places on our hill and look out over the city. I expect to see buildings marked in red from our adventures over the weekend, but only the morning fog touches the steel structures.
Breaking the silence I decide to share my recent developments in the safety of our spot on the hill. “Want to hear how fucked up my life is?”
Marissa’s head pops up from her container of food. “Yes. Please. Tell me your woes, but they better be bad so I feel better about my own life.”
Amanda laughs at her retort. She’s quickly learning the way Marissa and I are together.
“Finn came over to my place yesterday. He held my hair back while I puked, then put me to bed to sleep it off. Later he brought me dinner and some strange homemade hangover cure that wasn’t simply beer as he said.”
Amanda widens her eyes at me. “Um, Pen, dear. I don’t think this is what Marissa needs to hear right now.”
“Oh don’t worry. I’m getting there,” I assure her. "So anyway, after all of this he sits me down and breaks up with me.”
“What!” Marissa sounds as outraged as I felt this morning and Amanda’s mouth has dropped open to match the earlier wide-eyed expression.
I started the conversation and opened the gate, but suddenly I don’t want to go through it. I want to run back to my place and pound on Finn’s door and beg him to give me another chance. But I won’t. “Yeah, he told me I have too much drama for him. He doesn’t need me in his life.” My voice breaks even though I try to sound as pissed as I was earlier.
I expect one of them to console me. Offer me words of wisdom and express some sadness with me. I could take any comfort my friends offer at this point.
“That is bullshit. Fucking bullshit, Pen!” Marissa tosses her fork into the brown bag between us. “You march right back to your place and tell him to fuck off." She decides to take the conversation an unexpected route.
“You know. I agree. He dumped you because you helped out a friend? I don’t understand men,” Amanda chimes in.
“Well he had other complaints too, but I don’t remember all of it. He made a few points.” I start to stick up for the man, but stop as I recognize I'm defending the person who dumped me. There is something wrong with me.
“I don’t give a shit what he said to you, Pen. As strong young women, we cannot allow the men in the world to treat us this way. Even if they are hot!” she finishes and throws her hands in the air in disgust.
Marissa has gotten loud in her indignation and a few people seated farther down the hill turn to look in our direction.
“Shhh, Marissa. Let’s not tell the world what happened to me.” I tilt my head to indicate the people now openly watching us.
“Fuck them, too,” Marissa says in their direction. “Let me tell you how this is going to go.”
And for the next hour I listen to the girls give me the best feminist pep talk. They could both be motivational speakers at any anti-male rally in the city. I’m pumped by the time I leave for home.
*
His door matches mine, but it feels harder as my knuckles make contact with the wood. Finn answers with a weary look. It heightens my pissed off mood.
“Aspen?” I’m not sure why he thinks I’m here, but I don't give him long to ponder it.
