Although on nights like tonight with only Ben & Jerry’s as company, I wish I could get over it. I miss his lying cheating ass. I’m a moron, I know. But is it wrong to want those special feelings you get in a relationship? Am I horrible to enjoy having a person to share my life with? I can’t remember a time I’ve ever felt so alone. Aspen is off happily coupled up with Finn, and while I couldn’t be happier for her, I can't help asking when it will be my turn to find the right guy?
Hell, maybe there isn’t one out there for me. I’ve always been sarcastic, but since the Cody breakup everyone looks to me as the man hater. I’ve sure played the part well enough.
What would they think of my strong woman persona if they saw me now? I’m anything but strong. Which pisses me off because I don’t need a man to make me happy. With ice cream in my system I’ve moped enough. Being sad all the time sucks.
I moved to San Francisco for Cody when he received his high-profile job offer in the Financial District, and since our breakup I’ve considered leaving. There are options open to me. Move back to southern California, closer to my parents, or even Boston where my sister Julie lives. Aspen and I haven’t talked about it, but her convenient timing on this apartment makes me question if she suspected. She knew I could never pass up an apartment in San Francisco, even with an insanely hot, but cranky landlord. It’s not in my DNA.
As I finish the pint of ice cream, my eyes seek the remote. It’s still next to the television and out of arm’s reach. What I really need is a man here to get me the remote. Someone useful. He needs to be tall enough to get jars from the top shelf too. He should understand me and find my quirks cute. Be smart, but not pretentious. Funny. Want kids, but not until I’m at least thirty. He’ll eat Chinese food whenever I want it… which is often. I don't need a drop dead gorgeous guy, but a cute one would be nice, with a good smile and kind eyes. He must get along with everyone in my current friend group, especially the nerdy guys Aspen and Simone brought into it, even Grant when he’s around.
While I’m fantasizing about men who don’t exist, he also can’t chew his popcorn too loudly. He’ll let me put M&Ms or whatever the hell I want in the bucket. I’ll get to pick the movie at least every other time, even if it’s a chick flick. Oh and he can’t wear sandals with socks. I shudder at the memory of another previous blind date.
And the most important, when in the presence of other women, he should forget he even has a penis attached to his body. I want to be the only woman in the room my man sees. This time around I won’t accept anything less.
