The silence in the room was so loud compared to moments ago. Every creak of the bed, every cry, and moan took over the room. All I could hear was the rush of my excitement. The beating of my own heart as I hungered for more of his touch. Squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my fists, I couldn't believe that I let this get this far.
I was not an innocent woman. I’ve had one-night stands and situationships throughout my life, not even a sliver of the all-consuming experience this man just gave me. I always thought I liked to have control over these kinds of situations, but this… this was nothing about my control. My body shivered at just the thought of what it looked like from above.
His arm tightened around my waist, nuzzling into my neck as he whispered. “You make me crave all the things I shouldn’t have.”
My bleeding heart cried at his words, my heart flopping onto the floor for this tortured soul, but my mind kept telling me that I needed therapy. That what I just let happen was wrong. I was letting these feelings warp into something else I shouldn’t.
I needed to pull away, get some space from him, and think this through. I analyzed the issue and my feelings and devised a plan to fix it. I could see someone to talk it through and get some outside perspective on the whole thing.
Just as I went to move, the nylon cord around my ankle caught my eye, and reality came crashing back down on me. I was a captive. Not in some lover's bed hanging out for the day or trying to find a way to excuse me so politely that I didn't have to see him again. I was a prisoner. And not only that, but a captive of a psycho that wanted to keep me, an asshole who doesn't know what he wants from me, and their dangerous older brother that looked like he was going to kill me. I was not in a position to dissect anything. I just needed to survive.
I placed my hand on the arm, tightening around my waist, knowing this was my safest option. Out of the three, at least this one wasn’t aiming to kill me. Tracing the dark ink on his arm, I couldn't help but warn myself.You’re not allowed to fall for this broken man, Kazia.
His soft, smooth lips caressed my shoulder, the affection I would typically push away from, but in this instance, I moved my neck to the side, making it easier to kiss me and be close.
I stared at the wall as he kissed me and thought about my predicament. Survival was the key to this whole thing. For now, playing at being Cezar’s plaything worked. He was delusional about our relationship, thinking of me as his somehow by fate. Still, he was the only one who prioritized my safety, even fighting his brother over me. He was the safest one to cozy up to, for now.
“Me too,” I heard the words fall from my lips before I thought about them. It was scary when your psyche took over before I got to feel things like guilt and shame.
His other arm wrapped around me, squeezing me like I was a human teddy bear, and to him, maybe I was. Running his face along my neck, inhaling me like he could fuse our souls by sheer willpower.
“I’ve never done this before.” His words stopped my breathing, and that heart I kept telling to shut up knocked my brain out of the way. “I mean, I’ve never wanted to before. The women I see are usually scared of me or are dead beneath me.” This time, my brain drop-kicked my heart back into oblivion, reminding me of who this man was who held me so tight and why I should not be giving my heart over to him. “But not you. You're special.”
Instead of the fear I expected to take over, it felt like something deep within me that had been buried long ago crawled out of its grave. Darkness filled me, calmed me, and made it so laying in the arms of this killer didn't cause me any distress. It made me even more determined.
Turning as far as his iron grip would let me, I faced this man, cupped his face into my hands, and said with more gusto than I truly felt, “And now you have me.” His eyes widened at my easy admission, but I wasn't done yet. Looking down, I bit my lip, flicking my eyes back to him, moving my body on top of his to force him to lie back with me on top of him, but I cried out in pain.
“What?!” He bolted up; his frantic voice at my distress had me smiling inside, and he searched for the culprit of my anguish.
Looking away from him, I fingered the rope at my ankle. “This has been hurting me.”
He glanced down at the rope like it was the bane of his existence. “It shouldn’t,” he growled, more animal than man. “It's half the reason I drug you with the water, so I can untie it while you sleep.”
My whole body froze. Thinking back to the past few days, that felt so short. How I kept getting tired and took a lot of naps. Not knowing what time of day it was. That slight groggy feel or when I woke up to having a dry mouth. He had been fucking up my body's equilibrium, making it easier to keep me pliable, a good little prisoner. The fingers at my side curled into a fist. Anger surged until his hand covered mine, and my head snapped up.
“I didn't want to.” His head fell as his voice grew small. “I knew you wouldn't like it, but it was the only way to keep you from being bothered by my brothers.” His hand squeezed mine like he was trying to get me to understand. Lifting his head, those normally hard-as-stone emerald eyes were more like a sea of green, swirling with emotions I didn't know he had. “They can’t question you if you were drugged asleep, and they knew it. They also… just need more time. I know they will come around.”
Come around to fucking what? What if I didn't want them to come around?
This was not the time to start bashing my only ally, so I took a few breaths, trying to calm down. Cold onyx eyes flashed before me, remembering how Nicu looked at me. That man didn't look like he would come around to anything. He looked like he was staring at a problem he needed to eliminate, one that could be simple enough with just a single bullet.
Shoving down the anger and betrayal, I took a moment before facing him. “I understand,” which was harder to say than I thought, but I quickly moved on. I needed this man to be on my side fully. Knowing he had “voices” talking to him, I wanted to ensure his subconscious didn't talk bad about me when I wasn't around. Rubbing my ankle, I waved my hand, making sure my smile wasn't too wide. “It’s alright. My skin is just sensitive. Even with the reprieve, it still causes the spot to be sore.” I hoped that was a good enough lie.
Pulling his hand away from mine, I thought about how to find the angle to get him to remove this rope. Maybe if I told him I needed to clean up? A bathroom break? Something so I can get out of this room.
He shocked me when he suddenly punched the bed between us. “Fucking shit, Cal. I don't need your opinion on how to please her better next time.” He waited a beat before growling, “No, you don't get to make requests! I don't even think she knows how to do that!”
Cal sounds like a bit of a pervert, but my interest peaked, wanting to know what he wanted me to do and what Cezar thought I didn't know about.
He sighed, his hand gesturing upwards as he rolled his eyes at me like I agreed with him and could hear what was going on in his head. Yep. This beautiful, seductive killer was a crazy person, one I’d hitched my life to, but it was better than trying to count on the other two.
“Don't listen to him. He’s a dick. I’ll tell him to burn in flames the next time he tries.”
Burn in… what the fuck?“What did-” stopping there when his full, serious attention was on me. I had to move on; he was way too serious, and I had an inkling that if I pressed further, I would fall into a rabbit hole of his own Wonderland, and I just didn't have the time. It was tempting, though.
“He’s fine,” I shrugged, wanting him to know nothing bothered me. He is talking to the voices in his head. It was going to be my in. “I think he’s kinda funny,” coy, I covered my mouth, and Cezar did a double take.
I took advantage of the stunned expression and sniffed the air. “What is that-” I lifted my shirt and crinkled my nose. “Oh, it's me. I smell gross.”
