That's why I was hoping it was a money issue; then, I could buy her for myself, clear her debt, and have her chained to me. I wonder what would freak Cezar out more, the fact that I possessed his toy or that I could please her more than he ever could.
“Like I said, I need to know what he’s planning before I tell him anything about her, and the best way to do that is to learn why he wanted the mother in the first place. Depending on how badly he needs a replacement for his plans will determine if we take her with us or just kill her.” He hit the ball, which grazed the solid blue ball next to the side pocket, knocking it in before it easily sank into the right pocket. Fucking lucky shot.
“What are you going to do about Cezar?” My brother was already looking like a love-sick puppy; there was no way he would let this happen without a fight.
“I will send him to another job before anything happens.” He lined up his next shot, and bam, the ball cracked, and two more solid balls were knocked into the pockets.
His flippant tone made me realize how much he understood about Cezar’s attachment. He thought she was just a distraction, a toy for him, but when I left her room, I saw that deadly obsessive twinkle in his eye. “And once he comes back?”
Nicu looked up, his face never changing as he said in earnest. “She ran away and fell into the wrong hands. Unfortunately, we were not able to save her in time.” It was a good lie, but a lie nonetheless. The kind that looked so much like the truth coming from him that even I would believe it.
“The life we live is a dangerous one. This will be a good lesson for him.” Bending over, he positioned the cue just right and ricocheted the ball off the back, hitting another ball that knocked two more solid balls in.
Normally, I wouldn't care what lies Nicu told Cezar; he always only did it for his good, but just now, I saw the face I had been given many times over. The brick wall of nothingness. How easy it was for him to lie to us, his brothers, the men born and bred to be by his side, it was unsettling. How many times has he lied like this to me?
“I don't think it will go the way you think it will,” and I meant it. Cezar has never been this deep with another person. Hell, he wasn't even this deep with his brothers, who he tortures and murders people for. As time moved, he was just getting deeper and deeper, and at this point, I didn't know what he would do if he lost her, and that was a scary thought.
Nicu’s eyes turned into slits, his tone low and firm, “And what do you think is going to happen if Father wants her? No matter how the dice rolls, it’s spades for that woman.” A far-off look took over his face, lost in horrifying memories because that's the only kind we have. “It will be a kindness for us to care for her here.”
He turned away, taking another shot as I looked towards her room. He was right. If my father wanted her, it would be better if we cared for her before we left. We could call it an accident. As Nicu said, our life was dangerous. Sure, we would take a beating once we got home, but at least I wouldn't have to see what he would do to her.
A familiar twitch ran up my spine, and that itchy feeling in the back of my head came to the forefront. Why the fuck was I worried about her when I needed to be worried about me? I knew the aches were next, and I turned to face Nicu to ask him if I could please get some more blow, but his cue smacked onto the table, causing me to jump.
“Games over.”
I looked around to see all the solid balls were gone. Before I could get a word out, he threw a bag at me so hard I barely caught it. Looking down, I saw it was a bag full of those miniature Reese's cups and a bottle of pills shoved inside.What the fuck was this about?
“Eat some of them now with lots of water. Then take the benzos to sleep it off.” He picked up his cue and mine, putting them on the rack on the wall before collecting all the balls.
I stood there and watched him, pretending not to understand what he meant. After a few seconds, he exhaled. “You look like shit. The sugar will help curb some of the cravings, but you need to sleep, and those drugs will do the trick.”Did he just make his own fucked up version of a withdrawal kit?Of course, he did. Of course, he knew exactly how to keep me functional, keep me from fucking this all up for us.
Unable to stand still, I shifted from foot to foot, stuck in this limbo land of appreciation, disappointment, and anger. I wanted to say thank you and sorry to him. Sorry, I’m such a fuck up, but my lips were sealed shut. We Azadians didn’t say sorry, not for anything.
One thing was made clear: he would not change his mind about getting me the boost I wanted.
My hands balled into fists, and a running waterfall of anger filled me. I dreamed that shit up like I did when I was a kid facing my father. Letting that anger crash into that impenetrable wall of self-loathing I could always count on. “Fine.” I stomped off, going to do what he said so he wouldn't show up in the middle of the night and force the pills down my throat.
“Oh, I’ll be out in the morning, so make sure the woman eats.”
Growling out my acknowledgment, I shut the door to my room and threw the bag onto the bed. Fuck him. Fuck him right up his asshole. He doesn't know what I'm going through, what I need. He just wants to put a fucking Band-Aid on me and get back to it.
Glaring down at the bag, I licked my lips in fury. I don't know how he knew, but these were my favorite… I hadn't eaten anything in a while. I was torn between my stomach and my brother winning, and it was a hard fight until my stomach grumbled.
Fuck!
Plopping on the bed, I snagged the bag and shoved my hand inside to get a handful of those peanut-filled chocolates. My door opened, and I shot up to see Nicu throwing two bottles of water on the bed and leaving just as quickly as he came.
I stared at that water like it was enemy number one, but as soon as I downed a few pieces, I desperately needed something to drink.
After cursing him in my head while eating, my body felt like ants were crawling all over, not letting me get a moment's peace. Snagging the pill bottle, I threw two back and guzzled down the rest of my water.
As my eyes drifted shut, a blurry vision of a woman smiling down at me with wild, dark, wavy hair and the scent of flowers drifted around me, lulling me to sleep.
9
KAZIA
Avoid-like feeling surrounded me, my body weightless, and I opened my eyes. Darkness. Everything around me was in darkness, spreading in all directions, not giving me any sense of direction or movement. Just a stagnant space that seemed familiar. I was in a dream again.
