I needed to make sure he understood nothing else would happen, so I had to have some small bit of morals tonight. Before I could open my mouth to lay down the law, he pushed me down and curled into my side with one arm over my stomach and his chin on my shoulder.
He yawned, “Usually, the sleep bugs buzz around my head, and I swat them away, but tonight I think I’ll let them win.” Burrowing in deeper, he laid still, mumbling about anchors and demons until his breathing became even, and I knew he was asleep.
After a while of berating myself internally, his steady, warm breathing against my skin caused my eyes to drop. Grabbing the blanket to pull it up, my eyes caught on red streaks. It was a clear reminder that while he might be like a puppy right now, he was a rottweiler waiting for his master's command.
A voice crept up in the back of my head…You could be that master.
Shaking the thoughts away, I adjusted the blanket so I didn't have the blood on my face, and I fell asleep in the arms of a psycho.
8
ION
What the fuck was that?! What the fuck was Cezar thinking?
My crazy little brother shocked the shit out of me. Not because of the knife to my eye, not because of the threat of violence against me. No, all of that was normal. It was that look, that smile in his eyes, that I’d never seen before. That look of utter possessive worship.
This was dangerous—especially with how insane Cezar was. I’m sure he could come up with a million reasons to be obsessed with that woman, and once he was obsessed, he would be like a stubborn crocodile. Grabbing onto her with jaws of steel, making it so that no one could sink their teeth in. He would rather tear her apart than give her up.
My body vibrated at just the thought of them together right now. It made no sense. He was never very interested in women, and since he was to be our executioner, our father instead invested his time into sharpening him as a tool instead of a man. Still, this one woman has turned his whole head around.
What was it about him that she enjoyed? Did she like not knowing what would come out of his mouth next? Did she find his antics funny? Wait until she experiences one of his bad days; I bet it won't be so funny anymore.
Biting my lip, I remembered the flash of relief in her eyes when she saw him. I bet she thought of him as some big, devoted psycho puppy, but she’ll get a rude awakening soon. An episode was never far away from his mind. Not that I blamed him.
After that one drunken night with Nicu, the only time he got lost in a bottle, he told me what happened to him. A shudder ran down my spine. A flood of guilt filled me, knowing that I wouldn't have come out of that with only voices in my head and a blood lust. Deep in the crevices of my soul, I know that it was just the luck of the draw. I wasn't born third, and I was relieved about it, which just made me feel shittier. We were a complicated family.
Then there was that woman. The one I couldn't get under my thumb stirred something inside me.
She was far from the most beautiful woman I’ve seen, and I’ve seen and fucked so many, but something about her defiant calm spirit called to me and made me pay attention. In more ways than one.
Those angry amber eyes shone brightly underneath me, calling me to dive in to escape the choking world around me. A magic twinkled in her defiance, in her resistance to me. It was intriguing. Alluring.
Before I could unravel the mystery of my thoughts on the woman, fire raced up and down my body, hot magma running through my veins, making it hard to breathe. My fingers worked like they had a mind of their own, scratching at my forearm like fire ants were biting up lines inside me.
Banging my head on the nearest wall, needing the pounding in my skull to stop, I collapsed against it. What I needed was something to rip me out of my body so I couldn't feel anything. These constant reminders of what it craved were too much. I just wanted to feel normal again. The answer was clear to me but not what Nicu wanted to hear. I needed more fucking coke, but that wasn’t something his majesty wanted in the house.
And why not? Wasn't I the head's son too? An Azadian, too? Didn’t I deserve some fucking respect? Some say how this goes.
Something dripped down my head, and I swiped at it. Snarling at the disgusting amount of sweat on my hand, I knew something needed to change. My body wasn't handling this well; he’d tasked me with that infuriating woman. It was all too much for me. I needed something to take the edge off, to bring me clarity.
You're just like her. Beautiful, stunning, and a fool. An addict. A whore for the right price.
Memories. Fucking stupid memories that popped up at the most annoying times. I needed the fucking drugs. I needed them to keep me sane. I didn't go through what Cezar did, but that didn't mean I wasn't trapped in my version of hell. That's why I needed to numb my mind and make it all dormant. That way, I could do my job for this family. Can’t Nicu see that?
No. Not the golden boy. The heir. The one who was the man father always wanted him to be. Cold, authoritative, strong. A leader of men with an iron fist to go with the jagged, thorny crown.
Then what was I made for?
My father's voice echoed in my skull. The familiar voice was devoid of feelings, as if he was talking about the weather or getting rid of a fly.She served her purpose. She gave me a beautiful son who will make all the loose lips talk because beauty is a weapon. Something she never really understood. That weak, idiotic whore. She was only worth two things: to catch the envy of others and to provide me with another tool for the Azadian toolbox, and that she did.
Pain squeezed in my chest, making it hard to breathe. No. No. I don’t fucking want this. I don’t want to think about his words, his reaction when I told him she was dead. I don't want to think about her—the one who escaped from this world and left me with a demon. So, I became a demon because of her and her weak will.
My mouth went dry. Swiping my tongue around my mouth didn't help the feeling go away. Liquid. Drink. Cold. Bolting for the kitchen, my mind was focused on one thing.
Yanking the refrigerator door open, I grimaced as I saw nothing but water and a few sodas. He couldn't even get me a fucking beer? Was he trying to kill me?
Fuck it. Snagging the red can, I popped the top and let that disgustingly sugary drink flow down my throat. Water should've been my first choice, the choice my older, better brother would’ve made, but I needed to replace the craving my body begged for with something else at the moment, and sugar was the best avenue for me.
