I wanted to meet this beauty in person and see if she was really worth all the hype. Beauty was one thing, but being a tolerable being was another. Having both traits collide was like finding a needle in a haystack. Finding one woman who captured all four of our attentions was like finding a unicorn.
I climbed into my car and took a deep breath, reminding myself that the house was warded against spirits, so I could finally breathe and be alone. I started the car and drove to the house, still thinking about the woman that I secretly hoped to meet soon.
***
Once I breached through the door, the first thing I heard was War and Con arguing. Great, so it was going to be one of those days.
“Look, you can’t go to Hell… yet. We have to wait to see if Fame has succeeded.” Con's voice belied his exasperation.
I rounded the corner to see War on the couch playing some violent video game. Con stood in front of him, but slightly to the side so War could still see the T.V.
“Well, if he’s not back within the next ten minutes, I’m going to Hell to profess my love to my goddess and try to convince her to stay in Hell with me. That way, we have met the terms of the debt, but you guys can also keep your lives going as they are here. Win-win.” War didn't even look up at Con as he spewed his nonsense, telling me that he was one-hundred percent serious. But that was War. All in or all out. No in-between.
“Who says thatIdon’t want to stay in Hell with her?” Con crossed his arms, making his stance, eyes daring him for a challenge.
Did those two fuckers realize what they are saying? Did they grasp that if they stayed in Hell with this woman, everything they had built here would be void. Wouldn’t mean anything.If we got destroyed after our purpose, whatever we’d built would be null and void anyway.
I shook those thoughts from my brain. We would have time. We had no idea when that would happen. What if it didn’t happen for centuries and I was worrying about it for nothing? Now I sounded like Fame, and that was depressing.
“Well, I’m sure she’ll welcome youandI if we both apologize.” War put his game controller down as he looked at Con in earnest, while his face turned contemplative.
“You think so?” The hopefulness in his voice was nauseating, as was War’s exuberance. After seeing her picture, and knowing my two brothers wouldn't fall for just a pretty face, I was sure she was a firecracker too. But I felt like I was missing some of the previous conversation. Why would they both go? Would she even take both of them?
“You bet! Brother,” War jumped up, “the fact that we both fell for my goddess makes sense to me. She's one ball-busting woman. Literally.” He rubbed his dick and smiled as he stared off into space, I’m sure relishing some memory. “But if she can handle both of us, why not? I’m not so selfish that I would deprive you or myself. It has to be her choice, though. That’s what I’m really afraid of.” His mouth turned into a frown, and Con’s shoulders slumped as he nodded in agreement.
I’d had enough of this ridiculousness. I walked in the room and both of them looked up at me. Just as I opened my mouth to set them both straight, a popping sound came from right next to me. I turned and there was Lucifer.
“Another one bites the dust!” he sang as he did a little jig and then waved his hands to open a portal.
Fame burst through it, his face engulfed with outrage and hostility. I also caught a glimpse of respect.Oh no. Not him too.
Con and War were grinning at Fame as he scrambled to stand, cleaning off his shirt of all the dirt and dust he’d collected in Hell. Looked like he’d spent time in the Sands of Time. I had only heard about the outskirts of Hell but that seemed much better than the two spots Con and War had landed.
Lucifer slid up next to me, elbowing me. “So it’s your turn now. Think you’re going to do it?” he asked me like we are two children planning something naughty, like setting a whoopie cushion on her chair.
I gave him a disdainful look, which he just grinned at and laughed before patting me on the back.
“Oh, you’re going to have fun.” Then he did a spin, ending with some jazz hands before he said, “Alrighty, boys, I’ve got to go settle some soul disputes with the princes, so good luck!” Then he poofed into thin air.
“That fucker is weird.” I threw my thumb in the direction that Lucifer had been. War and Con nodded as they eyed the spot that the portal appeared.
“The ‘princes’ of Hell? I have always been curious as to how that worked,” Fame murmured, looking at the spot Lucifer disappeared from, like he could call him back and ask him.
“Who cares? Lucifer’s still the top dog, anyways.” War threw his hand in that direction and turned around, jumping onto the couch with his knees, putting his chin on the backrest as he looked at Fame like a schoolgirl gossiping at a slumber party. “Sooooo… How did it go? Are you in love yet?”
Fame’s face got red, and he started to stutter. “She’s… I mean… So infuriating, yet…”
He couldn’t finish a single sentence, and I almost cracked up. I had never seen Fame like that before, flustered and at a loss, it was actually quite charming. War and Con started to badger Fame with questions.
“How did she seem?”
“Did you tell her about us?”
“How did she out-fox you?”
“Does she still smell like honey?”
Not really caring about their stupid lovesick questions, I turned around and started to head for my room.
