Tomorrow, I was going to tell the boys to pack up because Vance was right about one thing, I would have them all go with me, but not because I was in love with them and want to spend time with them. No. I need them to be the dark distractions that they were clearly so good at being.
Rykon can slip his hands into the deepest of pockets, Zayden can con his way into or out of any situation, and Ajax was just a few steps behind me in assassin skills. I needed them because where we were going was no place for someone with a light and goodness in their heart. Someone of importance. No, I needed hardened sinful men who would get the job done, no questions asked. That was it.
In the back of my mind, I heard a soft ghost of a whisper say,Lie.
Chapter 4
Iwokeupina shitty mood today, and it was affecting my whole day. All of my workouts felt half assed and my mind was all over the place. Thinking about Vance and what I might’ve said differently or phrased better, but I refused to see how I was wrong about him not going. It made little sense to me.
Then he just threw out all that stuff about the guys and I felt like he slapped me. I was still stunned about it. Not really able to process all that he meant and all the implications he laid at my feet, implications I was not yet ready to examine. Which meant that although my face looked like I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anything, my mind was a jumbled mess, and that was never good before a long journey.
So, what did I decide to do to take my mind off my thoughts and instead work towards the goal? I went to tell the guys the happy news that they would be leaving their homes and going with me on a very dangerous and strenuous journey to look for a magical book. So excited.Not.
It was only midday when I was done with all my training and I decided I wanted to get the hardest one out of the way first. I knew Ajax liked to train in that cave he took me to, so I knew where to find him quickly. I headed out into the forest, along the path he showed me a while ago. Then I remembered it wasn’t that long ago, but that amazing night felt so far away from where we are today. Like we could never get back to that point again.
I keep telling myself it was fun while it lasted, or that this was how it was meant to be, but a brief twinge of sadness pinged my heart whenever our eyes locked. Whenever he looked at me, all I saw was him screaming at me, asking me why, why did I have to ruin everything we had… by being me? While that made me sad and it hurt to see, it also made me infuriated. My mind kept going round and round in my head that this was why we couldn’t be together. He didn’t like me, he just liked the fierce warrior he saw, one that mirrored his own and made him feel not so alone in this world, but that wasn’t the only piece of me.
But those are the pieces you can’t let them see. That dark voice in the back of my mind reminded me,or else they will know it’s you and then they will really hate you. And that was the real problem with him, the problem with any of them. I could never be me because they hated the true me. Mika. The girl that left them high and dry the night after they told me they loved me.
After I left with my father all those years ago, I would tell myself that their words were just that, words. Words of teenage feeling that they couldn’t truly comprehend and that once I was gone, they would move on, settle down, find a nice girl, or girls, to hold on to and help bring them peace. It was one thing I would tell myself when I was lonely or when I thought about writing to them, explaining everything. The thing I kept telling myself to hold me back from them and push me forward in my training. I knew that if I had to give them up, then I was going to be the damn best of the best assassins. Looking at them all now, I wonder if I made the right decision.
I got to the mouth of the cave before I knew it; the waves crashing in the background, the wind slicing through my hair, I was sure making it look like a wild beast around my head, but I still paused at the entrance, still needing to find the courage to go back in here again and face him with his eyes that screamed his pain.
An assassin fears nothing Mika, my father’s voice ringed in my ears,for an assassin is the cold harsh water that keeps going. Even when the mountains tumble and the forest burns, the water still cutting though, not waiting or fearing anything. Always pushing forward.For once I was glad for the words I remembered, helping me push past my own fears and entering the cave to face the angry man inside.
I could hear the echoes of hits and grunts as I entered the cave. I was extra careful with my steps and movements so that he wouldn’t be able to hear me coming and I could get a leg up on him. As soon as I looked around the rock opening, I saw Ajax standing in the center with a wooden training dummy, shirtless. My mouth dried up and watered at the same time. My eyes snagged on the sweat that glistened his skin, calling to me to touch it, run my hands across his body and feel the smooth dips and planes of his well-toned muscles.
I watched for a second as he worked on his hand-to-hand combat, hitting the wooden spears in time with his breathing. I crossed my ankles and leaned up against the rockslide, enjoying this view all too much. As he changed stances with each hit, I looked at how his thigh muscles moved. You wouldn't think bulging thigh muscles were tantalizing but they were. I could envision them wrapping around my body as we fought, pushing my legs apart as he slid into the place I wanted him most. I tried to shake those thoughts by looking elsewhere but then I just moved to other body parts, memorizing how his ass clenched at certain points, when his back rippled as he moved, as his arms snaked out like two cobras when they strike out. Even my critical eye had to admit that his form was exquisite and his moves were quick. The only thing going against him was his massive size.
My memory drifted back to how fun it was to spar with him, how even when we both knew that I was the better fighter, he still surprised me and could get in a few good licks.
“What do you want?” His surly voice broke through my thoughts as I saw his angry face turn towards me. I chastised myself for letting my mind drift as I straightened and walked towards him casually, not wanting to let him know how much he affected me.
“I was looking for you because we have a lead in getting the king removed and we need to take a brief trip to get it.” I left the details out, seeing if he would ask for more or if he was going to be the good little boy I needed him to be.
His eyes softened as he looked at me from the bottom up, surprising me with the blatant desire in his eyes before he got to my face, immediately turning back into a scowl. Maybe he was having a hard time too, with the memories of what we did in this place, fighting the urge to do it again. Even standing here now my mind was telling me no but my body was vibrating yes. Let him bathe me in pain and blood as we fuck each other silly.
Almost like his mind caught up finally with what I just said, he asked, “Trip?”
You tell yourself you want a smart boy, when sometimes it would be nice to just have a dumb one that followed what you said without questions. “Yes.” I said in a bored tone. “So, make sure you pack a light bag and wear good shoes for unfamiliar terrain.” I turned to leave, and I felt him go for my arm. Normally, I would grab it and twist his hand before he could even lay a finger on me, but apparently, I’m an idiot and was craving his touch, even if it was in anger.
He pulled me to a stop and yanked me around to face him. I really shouldn’t be turned on by that, but I could feel my thighs quiver, wanting to clench together as my breath came out hot and fast. But I didn’t want him to realize anything, so I just raised my eyebrow at him. The smell of the sea and violence in the air was almost as intoxicating as his firm grip.
His grip tightened as he growled out angrily, “I can’t just take a trip out of the city. My father will ask questions. He will notice me leaving for an extended period.”
I shoved his hand off me, letting a lethal frost take over my eyes as I looked him up and down with a nasty smirk. I got into his face so close that he could feel my breath on his skin as I whispered, “Not. My. Problem. Be ready tomorrow at dawn.” Fury filled his eyes as he opened his mouth to argue, but I was done with this conversation. I turned away from him so quickly that the tips of my hair hit him in the face as I walked away.
I heard him sputter behind me as I bit my lips from laughing out loud. I put a little extra sway into my steps, knowing he would have to watch me walk to the entrance. As soon as I got there, I looked over my shoulder and low and behold; he was practically drooling over the sight of my ass. He may be mad at me, he may not forgive me, but I knew that his body wanted me and maybe that was enough for now, because my body wanted him too.
I gave him a wink, and he growled as he threw a punch at the wooden dummy in his frustration. I turned around, flicked my hood up and chuckled on my way out, confident that he would get around his father or else he would have to deal with me.
The next one, Rykon, was easy to get to, but I knew I would have a lot of questions from him. Questions I didn’t want to answer, but ultimately would, to get him on board. I made my way across the merchant’s square, taking the long way around to get to the thief’s guild. He had been staying indoors a lot, I think he was trying to do his own type of research about the kingdom and its shady past. If anyone could find a needle in the haystack, I would bet on it being Rykon who would find it.
As soon as I got to the tall stone building, I decided I was going to go up the way I went last time. I really didn’t want to deal with anyone else in the guild, let alone run into his parents, so I scaled the building. This time, since it was daylight, I went around the back corner, scaling up in the shadows so that others on the street wouldn’t see me. As soon as I was on the roof, I went forward to the edge and dropped slowly as I landed on his balcony.
I looked through the glass, a ghost of a smile crossed my lips as I saw he was exactly where I thought he would be. He was hunched over a book on his desk, a few empty plates on it that indicated he hadn’t left his spot for a while. I didn’t want to stay out in the open for long, so I knocked on his door.
It startled him, jumping out of his seat as he grabbed a weapon from his drawer before he looked out the window and saw me. I waved my fingers at him. His eyes lit up before he covered it with an exasperated look and settled down, putting the weapon back into the desk but keeping the drawer open. So, he still feels the need to be armed, an interesting choice. He put a bookmark in the spot he was last at and moseyed on over to unlock the latch on the balcony doors.
