I was quickly getting tired of her shit, and I wasn’t the only one. Zayden’s face was bright red, eyes spitting out venom as he said between clenched teeth. “I just found out that I could never have the woman of my dreams. The woman who means the world to me. Give me some fucking slack!”
Hemlock didn’t even bat an eye, “So what–”
“So what! So what!” Zayden slammed his fist into the table and the librarian lifted his hand in warning. Zayden put his hands in his lap as he glared at Hemlock.
“Yes!” Hemlock leaned forward, teeth clenched as she shook in frustration. “So. Fucking. What? Does her being a royal change how you feel? Does it change who she is to you? Does it warp who she is on the inside?” All of us stared at her as she continued, “You came to care for her. Dare I say ‘love’ her, yet in her time of confusion and need what do you do? In the moment that her world, a world she has meticulously built around herself, started to crumble, all you can think about is how it affects you.” She lifted her eyebrow at us, looking at us each individually, and gave us a cruel laugh. “It’s best you let her go now, if that’s how you really feel.”
I looked around at Ajax. He was staring at the table, all of his fears racing across his face. I looked at Zayden, who I could tell was truly contemplating what she was saying. His hands twitched to get up, but something held him back.
I looked at the door. Old feelings of inadequacy rose inside, but then I looked at Hemlock’s smug face and I pushed those feelings aside. No. I would not let the past dictate my future. I don’t know why Emerald seemed to care about us, why she kept risking her life for us, but I know that it’s filling the cracks in our soul. I know that the pull I feel for her was strong, one that rivals what I felt for Mika. Something I didn’t know was possible. And right now, she needed us.Needed me.
My feet moved before my mind told me to. I surged up and ran out the door, flew down the steps, desperate to catch up to her. Worried that I was too late. I heard Talican and Rath ask me what's wrong, but I didn't stop to talk to them. All I knew was that I needed to catch up to Em.
As soon as I got outside, I searched around for any sign of her, but I saw nothing. She was gone. I crumbled to the ground, hands digging into my head, as I felt all of Hemlock’s words sinking in. I wasn’t worthy of her.
As I was consumed with pitiful and depressing thoughts, I opened my eyes and saw something in the sand, something that looked like a footprint.
Looking up, I saw more. As I jumped off the ground, I felt a sense of hope. I could still do this. I could still be there for her. Running as fast as I could, I followed the footprints, even as my legs started to burn, but I wasn’t going to stop. I wasn’t going to give up.
I followed the footprints down the long stretch of beach, watching as the water was coming up and eroding my trail. The prints soon stopped once I got to the edge of the beach, before the landscape started to turn back into the mountains that surrounded the badlands.
I came right up to the solid piece of rock and threw my fist at it. Fucking shit! I turned around and sunk to the ground, feeling useless, like a failure, when I heard someone sniffle in the wind. It wasn’t quite crying, but it was the sounds you make when you try to prevent yourself from crying. I followed it, praying it was Emerald, even though it hurt my heart to hear it.
The sounds led me back into the water. I kept going as the water rose, coming up to my thighs, but the sounds were getting louder, so I kept going. I turned the corner and there was Emerald, in this hidden rock alcove, looking out at the sea with her face fallen and devastated.
I surged forward, slashing water all around in my haste, which caught her red-rimmed attention. Even with tears sliding down her face, she was one of the most beautiful women I have seen in my life.
“Em, I’m so sor-“
She held out her hand, causing me to swallow my words. “I didn’t need you to follow me.” Her voice was trying desperately to stay strong as she stared down at me.
My shoulders slumped, but I kept moving closer to her. “I know.”
“These are angry tears, not sad tears.” She quickly rushed out, and I nodded, letting her know I believed her.
I finally made it over to where she was sitting on the rock floor, lifted myself out of the water and sat down next to her with a squish. We both watched the water I brought with me seep out of my clothes as it ran down the sides to escape back into the ocean.
We stayed like that for a second, just being in each other’s presence. Even though I could feel the vibrations of her anger, her pain, her hurt, I couldn’t help but feel whole as I sat next to her. I enjoyed just being here for her however I could.
“I don’t want to be the princess.” She whispered. Her hands tightened so hard her fingers were turning white. I drifted my hand over one of hers, picking it up and taking my other hand to gently prying her fingers apart.
“You don’t have to be.” I tried to reason with her. Tried to make sure any bias I felt about the situation I kept to myself.
“But that’s what we need.” The strain in her voice cut into me, wanting desperately to help her, but all I could think of was to be here for her when she makes her choice.
“We do, to get the nobles on board to overthrow Valkon,” her eyes dropped as she stared at her hands. I was about to say what was in my heart, hoping that I wasn’t crossing a boundary, “but nothing is set in stone about what you can doafterthat.” She looked up at me, fear still crowding her gorgeous eyes, but I saw a sliver of hope pointed at me.
I could tell that something else was bothering her, so I scooted closer, our thighs touching as I cupped her face, running my thumb over her cheek. “What is it? What has the great assassin looking like that?”
Her eyes sparkled with tears again as she stared into my eyes, feeling the full weight of her attention as she spoke so softly I could barely make out her words. “What if he hates me when he finds out? What if he feels betrayed?”
“Who?” I asked, still not understanding, but really wanting to.
“Vance.” She cried out, her tears spilling over her cheeks as she blurted out, “He’s already mad at me for rejecting him, and I don’t want him to think that I’m trying to take this from him. I want him to be the one that rules.” She shook her head out of my hand as she swiped her arm across her nose.
“Could you see me as a ruler? I would be a joke. A laughingstock.” She rolled her eyes as she looked out at the ocean. “I would kill all the nobles. I wouldn’t be able to handle them and I would see the best course of action would be to just get rid of them. I wouldn’t work to find some kind of compromise or see if I could convince them to my way of thinking, not like Vance would.”
I finally understood. This amazing, strong and deadly woman was fearful of herself. I grabbed her face with both hands, moved to my knees in front of her, blocking the ocean from her view. “You would be a great ruler.” When she looked like she was going to argue, I shook her just a tad to let her know how serious I was, how I really felt about it. “You care about others and you know how to make tough decisions. Decisions that usually involve putting your own life at risk.” Her deep brown eyes were staring into mine, wide with shock but also shining with something else, something I didn’t want to believe until she said the words herself.
